tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56785969710790938942024-03-12T20:04:26.938-05:00Ye Olde-Timey Games ReviewIn which I review old games for my own amusement (and yours).Roland 'Jim' Loweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01798414712731436844noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678596971079093894.post-25463003977238037232013-08-21T12:16:00.000-05:002013-08-21T12:16:01.524-05:00Psychonauts (PC)<div align="center">
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<br /><br /><u>Platform</u>: PC<br /><u>Developer</u>: Double Fine Productions<br /><u>Released</u>: 2005<br /><u>Genre</u>: Platformer<br /><br /><b><u>The Story</u></b><br />All young Razputin Aquato ever wanted was to be a Psychonaut. To use his impressive mental abilities to go on crazy adventures, saving lives and battling evil forces and maybe setting a few things on fire with his mind just for fun. So when the chance came for him to sneak into the Whispering Rock Psychic Summer Camp - a secret Psychonauts training ground for psionically gifted children - he took it. And immediately got caught trespassing before the welcoming ceremony was even over. But despite the fact that he isn't technically a real camp trooper and his parents have been called to take him home the very next day, the camp counselors don't bother to try and stop him from participating in training activities with the rest of the kids. Or taking part in dangerous, experimental mind tumblings.<br /><br />And it's during one of these experiments that Raz stumbles upon something sinister. Not-all-is-as-it-seems is pretty standard operating procedure at Whispering Rock, but what he uncovers is something else entirely, and he is determined to get to the bottom of it . . . in between improving his psi abilities, dealing with weird kids left and right, fighting off telekinetic bears, and going on scavenger hunts. And most importantly, he needs to get it all finished before tomorrow morning! Yikes!<br /><br /><br /><b><u>The Game</u></b><br /><i>Psychonauts</i> is the brainchild of Tim Schafer, who originally came up with the idea as simply one part of a different game, <i>Full Throttle</i>. He took that idea about a crazy trip through a whacked out mental landscape and, with the help of his team, developed it into a full story in its own right. Sadly, it sold very poorly when it first came out despite huge critical success, but has since gained a cult following.<br /><br /><br /><b><u>The Characters</u></b><br />Razputin "Raz" Aquato is the main character, a young boy with impressive mental potential who quickly begins to turn that potential into reality over the course of the game. He was born to a family of acrobats - which shows in the extreme ease with which he uses tightropes, trampolines, and trapeze swings to achieve his objectives - but ran away from the circus to join the Psychonauts because he knew his father wouldn't let him go otherwise. Raz's family had been cursed by evil psychics to eventually suffer horrible deaths in water, you see, and as a result his father hates psychics. And since Raz himself is a psychic, needless to say, their relationship is kind of rocky to begin with.<br /><br />Whispering Rock Summer Camp is run by four members of the Psychonauts. The first of these we meet is Coach Morry Oleander, a squat ultra-military type who enjoys putting the kids through the mental paces in his brutal Basic Braining course, which resides entirely within his own mind. Literally. The kids telepathically enter his mind and have to complete the obstacle course within in order to continue on to the next level of training. It's primarily his influence which allows Raz to start training alongside the other kids. Once he's seen proof of the amazing power locked inside Raz's mind, he knows that harnessing it is an opportunity he can ill afford to pass up.<br /><br />Where Oleander is the brawn (or at least the bluster), Sasha Nein is the brains of the adults around camp. Also impressed with Raz's abilities, he recruits the young psychic for a series of tests using a brain tumbler, sending Raz into his own mind and thus kicking off an adventure to stop vile enemies bent on world domination. While a bit of a mad scientist type, what with the conducting of quasi-legal experiments on impressionable young camp-goers, Sasha is a very calm, cool, and collected dude, which is represented by the fact that his mindscape is a structured, orderly cube.<br /><br />Milla Vodelo, on the other hand, is bubbly, passionate, and perpetually cheerful, and her mind is a jumpin' dance party, woooooooo! She teaches the children the art of levitation, one of the most useful abilities in the entire game. She's the heart of the Whispering Rock Psychonauts and cares deeply for the kids under her charge. If you find the secret area locked away in her perpetual mental fiesta, you might even get to see why.<br /><br />Finally and most importantly is Ford Cruller, semi-retired Psychonaut agent and camp janitor. He's a fun guy.<br /><br />Aaaaaaaaaaand then there are all the kids, the villains, and a handful of insane asylum inhabitants, the last of which you spend a good amount of time getting acquainted with their demented mindscapes. I could go on for hours and hours about each and every one of them, I honestly could, and not just because many of them are important to the story. Every character is unique and wonderful and really ought to be experienced firsthand. The characterization in this game is one of the big reasons to play it, because-<br /><br /><br /><b><u>The Writing</u></b><br />-the writing is <i>the</i> main reason. <i>Psychonauts</i> is filled to the brim with clever, witty, and truly engaging dialogue as well as an interesting plot and well-developed setting. Even during those occasional dull moments when the gameplay started to wear down on me, the thing that kept me going was wanting to hear the next joke or see what the next weird little development in the story was going to be.<br /><br />So many games (and movies and other things, for that matter) try to be quirky and weird and usually end up being vomited out as a mangled mess by companies that don't really know what they're doing. Double Fine doesn't have that problem, and their ability to truly be quirky and weird shines brightly in the humor and pure entertainment value of this game.<br /><br />I feel kind of bad for leaving this section so short in comparison to just how good the writing really is, but you can just imagine that I've written twenty or thirty glowing paragraphs of drooling praise, because that's pretty much all I'd be doing. And really, while I typically don't worry much about minor spoilers in these reviews, I don't want to give any of them out let alone the big ones in any detail so folks can really get into the meaty part of the game for themselves.<br /><br /><br /><b><u>The Gameplay</u></b><br />Now, what I'm about to say here is both true and misleading. Compared to the writing, the gameplay is a little crap.<br /><br />This is not to say that the actual game aspects aren't good! They are. Sort of. I mean, they're <i>adequate</i>. See, <i>Psychonauts</i> didn't do anything that so many platformers before it didn't do. It's pretty much strictly boilerplate actiony adventury jumpy-aroundy and collect stuffy. Nothing new or innovative. You could probably pick up any random <i>Ratchet & Clank</i> and get a similar experience. And that includes a few small, standard glitches here and there.<br /><br />But y'know what? It gets the job done. It may not excel, but neither does it bog things down, and thus it serves as a perfectly good plate on which to deliver the delicious steak that is the writing.<br /><br />Now, with that said . . . that's not all there really is to say. I played the PC version, you see, and unfortunately, the PC port really is complete crap. Not to the point of being a gamebreaker, thankfully, but still, one or two steps further down the crap line and it probably would have been. For those of you thinking of playing this version, I would high suggest that if you do not already have a gamepad, you should really consider investing in one. There were many interesting choices made regarding the controls, but the most blatantly mystifying of these is that the mouse does not control the camera. Instead, you have to use the numberpad to angle Raz's view around while you use the basic WASD to move Raz himself. Which is more than a little awkward. And though this next part at least can be changed, it seems almost equally odd that they still mapped some of the controls onto the mouse buttons as the default.<br /><br />The gamepad controls are, fortunately, just fine and work like they should. Yet it's not entirely free from petty annoyances itself, as certain parts of the menu (that being those parts regarding sound, resolution, and other stuff added in by the folks doing the port) can't be directly changed with the pad, meaning you <i>have</i> to use the mouse for those parts. So make sure you get all your settings right the first time!<br /><br /><br /><b><u>The Challenge</u></b><br />For the most part, pretty easy. There are a few moments here and there in almost every level where things get frustrating, but once you get past those, the rest isn't much of a problem . . . with two major exceptions.<br /><br />The first and foremost of these exceptions is collecting everything for 100% completion. The particularly applies to gathering the Figments, of which there are often a couple hundred in each mindscape, and they are all 2D, neon outlines that fade in and out, some of which are moving around and others are very small, and all of which makes it very very <i>very</i> hard to find all of them, especially in the more brightly lit levels. But so what, right? It's just the 100% thing, so who cares? Well . . . probably not many people, admittedly. Gathering all of this hidden stuff is actually part of the upgrade system, and the more stuff you find, the more powerful you become. But even without doing any truly diligent searching, the average player will probably find more than enough of the collectables to manage just fine.<br /><br />More problematic is the last level of the game. The original version, which was on XBox, gained a great deal of noteriety for being stupid difficult to a punishing degree. One of the things they did right in the PC port was add a couple things and take out a couple others in order to make it easier, and yet I <i>still</i> found it to be the most highly frustrating part of the game, far more so than any other section. And one of the things that made it yet more frustrating was that the boss fight was almost insultingly straightforward. Not that the others were overly complex games of cat and mouse, mind. But it's still the difference between picking boulders up (with your mind) and throwing them at the bad guy that you've set on fire (also with your mind) after penetrating their defenses (again with the mind thing) versus just running up and punching a guy in the face every couple of minutes until he stops trying to follow you. It's just a little disappointing, that's all.<br /><br /><br /><b><u>The Sights</u></b><br />I have to admit, at first I wasn't exactly thrilled about the super-deformed look of the characters, but over the course of the game they all grew on me, and now I can't really imagine them any other way. The insane architecture, however, felt completely fitting to me from the very start, and it was always fun to find out just what the next person's inner mind was going to look like. The minds of the insane asylum residents were definitely the most interesting to me, particularly one that is nothing but an extremely long alleyway styled like a velvet painting lit by blacklight. Absolutely gorgeous.<br /><br /><br /><b><u>The Sounds</u></b><br />A very well put together soundtrack, with each song wonderfully complementing the mind or other landscape it's attached to. So much so that it tended to fade into the background for me, and I'd only really notice it when A) it became obvious they had threaded a bit of classical music into it (such as bits of the 1812 Overture sneaking into Napoleon's game table) or B) I realized I had been humming along with it for the past few minutes without thinking about it.<br /><br />Much more noticeable and even more laudable is the voice cast, each and every one of them being guilty of doing a double fine job. As excellent as the writing is, I don't think it would have been even half as funny without the stellar work of the actors using it to its fullest potential. Not that it should really come as a surprise that they did such excellent work, as there are some pretty hefty VA names in the bunch, such as Tara Strong, Steve Blum, Stephen Stanton, Nick Jameson, and Richard Horvitz.<br /><br /><br /><b><u>The Bottom Line</u></b><br />For the longest time, this was one of those games I was both intrigued by and wary of. Because of the cult following, I had heard pretty much nothing but good things about it, that it was more or less the best game ever made in the history of best games ever made. So while part of me wanted to check it out and see what all the hub-bub was about, bub, another very large part of me was shooting up red flags and warning flares that spelled out "Too Good To Be True".<br /><br />Well, I'm not going to say that it was the best game ever. But I am going to say it was good. <i>Damn</i> good. Certainly worth playing, and once I get another game or two knocked back, definitely worth going back to for 100% completion. Even with only slightly above average gameplay and PC port deformities, it's still far more entertaining than a lot of other platformers I've played, and even more so than many other games in general. If you've got the wherewithal to pick up a copy - be it for XBox, PC, or PS2 - I'd say it's well worth your time and money.<br /><br />In the meantime, the possibility of a sequel dangles above our heads, as Mr. Schafer himself has said he would love to make one and only a few reality-check issues (such as funding) stand in the way, and I would be absolutely tickled if they finally made it a reality. But I think, even more than that, what I would like to see is a TV show based on the game's setting. I'd watch the hell out of that, and I'd bet that a lot of other people would too.Roland 'Jim' Loweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01798414712731436844noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678596971079093894.post-61049498272209874232012-01-13T19:18:00.000-06:002012-01-13T19:18:47.458-06:00Tyrian 2000<div align="center"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v608/esn1g/Reviews/tyrian2000_game01.jpg"></div><br />
<u>Platform</u>: PC<br />
<u>Developer</u>: Eclipse Productions<br />
<u>Released</u>: 1995<br />
<u>Genre</u>: Shoot 'Em Up<br />
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<b><u>The Story</u></b><br />
In the year 20,031, terraforming is big business, and there's no one bigger than the megacorporation Microsol. And when they come across a strange mineral called Gravitium that can control gravity itself, they look to become even bigger still. But you can't conquer the market - not to mention the galaxy - without shooting a few people in the back, and that's just what they do to the only person who knows about the mineral and their plans and isn't willing to go along with it. Unfortunately for the megalomaniacs at Microsol, that person just happened to have a friend named Trent Hawkins. A friend who happens to be not only one of their most skilled terraforming pilots, he's also pretty handy with a weapons system as well and looking to give his now former employers a little payback.<br />
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After stealing a ship, Trent heads out for the nearest non-Microsol planet to spread the word about Gravitum and bring the corporation down. The only problem? The absolute shit-ton of battle-ready ships between here and there, all of them looking to silence him before the entire sector explodes into a corporate/government war.<br />
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<b><u>The Game</u></b><br />
[I]Tyrian 2000[/I] was originally just [I]Tyrian[/I] before it was re-released with a bunch of new stuff, like a new chapter in the storyline with new levels and weapons and the like. But even before that, it was just a little something cooked up by a couple of guys trying out some scrolling game architecture. Feeling they might be on to something, they started shopping what they'd made around even though it couldn't really be called a game at the time. A few folks at Epic MegaGames happened to like the looks of the ingredients they were working with, brought in a few more cooks from developers Eclipse, and voila! A few years later a tasty arcade-style treat was served to the general public.<br />
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Small game makes good. It's beautiful, man.<br />
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<b><u>The Characters</u></b><br />
Trent Hawkins is our main character, the man who's seat you're sitting several yards above throughout the course of the game. Though he doesn't really say too much, the walls of text that spring up in between missions and chapters let us know that he's not a very happy man. Of course, his best friend has been killed by the company he was working for, and now that company wants to kill him with extreme prejudice on the way to taking over the entire galaxy. Not many people are going to be at their best under those conditions. As a result of all these shenanigans, Trent seems to turn into an angry, bitter shell through the course of the game, and who can blame him? Most of the people in his galaxy are complete assholes.<br />
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I could probably learn a little bit about each of the main bad guys in the game and tell you about 'em. There are at least a handful in there, and they are kind of colorful characters. But in the end, their primary role in the entire game is just to be bunch of complete assholes. Microsol as a whole has gone completely nutty, it seems, and all of them are fully prepared to take whatever steps necessary to procure complete control over everything and everyone in the galaxy. It's quite possible that the Gravitium has some kind of mind-bending element to it, but from the way they talk in the game, it's also quite possible that Microsol was already entirely staffed with megalomaniacal, delusional, and totally psychotic jerks.<br />
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Don't let any of this turn you off from the game, however. I think they're all great. I love every single one of those unrepentant douchebags!<br />
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<b><u>The Writing</u></b><br />
When I realized that this was going to be a bullets-flying-everywhere-shoot-em-up extravaganza, I wasn't expecting there to be, y'know, a <i>story</i>. And yet there is one! It's a bit hard to follow at first since a metric shit-ton of stuff is suddenly thrown at you all at once, including a bunch of stuff that doesn't seem relevant at fist but becomes so toward the end of the game. If, that is, you're bothering to pay attention to the story. It's not explicitly necessary, as it's just kind of something to read in between missions and has little to no bearing on the gameplay whatsoever except one to justify there being any gameplay in the first place and two giving little hints now and again.<br />
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That prompts the question then, should one even bother reading the story of T2K? My resounding answer is <i>YES!</i><br />
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Once enough has been revealed that you can start making some sense out of everything that's being thrown at you, there actually is a pretty good story amidst the technobabble. The tale of a vengeful yet reluctant hero singlehandedly taking on the various dangers of the sector and smashing them flat one by one. Trechery, betrayal, high stakes, all that sorta good stuff. And surprisingly enough a great deal of humor, mostly of the absurdist and meta types while incorporating a lot of satirical jabs at some of the staples of science-fiction writing.<br />
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Sure, you could just blast through one level after another, taking suckahs out without thinking twice about why you're doing it, but I'd recommend giving the data cubes a chance before blasting off to your next adventure. You might just be pleasantly surprised at what you find.<br />
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<b><u>The Gameplay</u></b><br />
The basic setup is that of a basic overhead shoot 'em up. Bullets - yours and theirs - flying all over the place and basically obscuring everything on the screen as you weave back and forth and left and right. Crush your enemies, take the stuff they drop, crush some more. Virtually every level ends with a boss fight against some very large and very deadly ship or monster or construct of some kind.<br />
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But like the writing above, there's actually much more to it than one would expect. There's a great deal of customization you can do with your ship, even from the get-go. The ship and weapons upgrade system is very deep and changes slightly with almost every level depending on what kind of gear becomes available between missions. And despite there being different prices for each weapon, that doesn't necessarily mean that more expensive is also more better. I spent most of the game sporting the cheapest and most basic forward gun, simply upgrading its power level again and again as I got more cash. Why? Because I wielded it as pure death, bringing destruction to every dumb motherfucker that got in my path, that's why. For the most part, none of the other guns worked near as well for me.<br />
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But that was just me. There's several different kinds of weapons to choose from, and which is the best depends a great deal on what kind of strategy you take while playing.<br />
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I really liked the generator/shields/armor dynamic the game has going. Your armor is the basic structural integrity of the ship itself, and better ship models have more armor. Protecting that are your energy shields, which gradually get refilled by the generator. Better generator means better shield refill, and if you've got the best of both then ramming other ships becomes a completely viable option in a pinch. Keeping an eye on all of this during the game adds a nice layer to the challenge as well as giving you another slightly unconventional weapon in your arsenal.<br />
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<b><u>The Challenge</u></b><br />
The natural progression of challenge is to get harder and harder as you go along. In this, T2K is not quite natural. The beginning of the game is frustrating as shit as you start out with a little underpowered vessel and almost no idea what you're doing with the upgrade system. Once you start figuring out what combinations work right for you and get access to some of the better stuff later on in the game, things quickly shift in favor of the player. Eventually survival is just a matter of holding down the fire button and weaving from side to side, filling the screen with hot lasery death from which nothing can escape.<br />
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Which I gotta admit is fun, and it felt like a nice reward for having to put up with the constant deaths that plagued me early on. The backwards challenge scale doesn't really seem too out of place, and instead it's just nice to feel like a big damn badass toward the end.<br />
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<b><u>The Sights</u></b><br />
Wow! Many of the levels have their own kind of theme - set up by the storyline stuff between them - giving a wide variety of scenery to look at. And without a single exception I can think of, they are all absolutely gorgeous. Even when I was dying and starting each level over again and again, the one thing I didn't whine and moan about was the chance to see the pretty backgrounds again and again as well. They manage to shine through even when over 50% of their area is obscured by weapons fire.<br />
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The enemy design, while not exactly inspired as they all sort of run the basic sci-fi shoot 'em up gamut, is still very well done and eye pleasin'.<br />
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<b><u>The Sounds</u></b><br />
The default music setting is set rather low, leading to an interestingly low-key soundtrack overall. For the most part I didn't even hear it over the sounds of my own lasers blasting through the air and the explosions of my opponents. And in the end, those two things are really the only music you need for this merciless path of destruction. But on the few occasions I did take the time to stop and listen to the BGM, I would consider turning the music up to a more audible setting. It's actually pretty nice, if a bit incongruent with the war-like setting of the game.<br />
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<b><u>The Bottom Line</u></b><br />
I'll admit it. I went into <i>Tyrian 2000</i> expecting a samey piece of junk as any other quarter-eating arcade overhead shoot 'em up. At first glance it certainly did look like it was going to go that route. And even though it did contain that sort of thing within it, T2K surprised the hell out of me by being an almost completely different sort of experience, going above and beyond to deliver something more. Beautiful graphics, a good story, a well thought out weapons system, and ridiculous amounts of comedy, all wrapped up in the comfortable trappings of a blow-the-shit-out-of-everything package.<br />
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It's good and it's free, so go out there and get it!Roland 'Jim' Loweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01798414712731436844noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678596971079093894.post-76970320678957263172012-01-13T18:46:00.000-06:002012-01-13T18:46:16.464-06:00Final Fantasy Adventure<div align="center"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v608/esn1g/Reviews/finalfantasyadventure_game01.jpg"></div><br />
<u>Platform</u>: Game Boy<br />
<u>Developer</u>: Square<br />
<u>Released</u>: 1991<br />
<u>Genre</u>: Action RPG<br />
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<b><u>The Story</u></b><br />
Life is rough for a gladiator. Wake up, slay monsters for the enjoyment and appeasement of the masses, eat, sleep, then do it all over again. Except today is different for one of these benighted souls. His friend dies in his arms, but not before imparting the secret to escaping the castle. Resolved to get the hell out of dodge, the now ex-gladiator manages to break out. Only moments after tasting his first breath of freedom, however, he overhears Dark Lord plotting to take the power of the mana tree and using it to rule the world, then gets pushed down a waterfall for his troubles.<br />
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Once he comes to, having survived the fall, our intrepid hero stumbles across a young girl who may just be the key to stopping the evil Dark Lord from accomplishing his sinister goal.<br />
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<b><u>The Game</u></b><br />
I remember when I was a kid, I played <i>Final Fantasy Adventure</i> a couple of times. I also remember giving up immediately both times because I couldn't figure out how to kill the first monster. But we'll get to that later. The point is, FFA was one of the earliest instances in which I learned that a game released here in the states had been given a different name than it had elsewhere in the world. In this specific case, FFA was known as <i>Mystic Quest</i> in Europe and originally <i>Seiken Densetsu</i> in Japan. I was later more shocked to learn that it was actually the first game in what eventually became known as the <i>Mana</i> series in the English-speaking world and not actually a <i>Final Fantasy</i> game at all. Now, imagine my further surprise to find during my research for this review that there was even more to the story than that.<br />
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As it turns out, FFA actually is a <i>Final Fantasy</i> game. Or at least it was intended to be. The <i>full</i> original name of the game was <i>Seiken Densetsu: Final Fantasy Gaiden</i>, meaning it was a side-story to the FF series. This puts it in the realm of games like <i>Final Fantasy Tactics</i>, <i>Dissidia Final Fantasy</i>, and <i>Kingdom Hearts</i>, all of which use some of the setting elements while altering core game mechanics. Where all of the main FF games are still RPGs through and through, the gaiden games shift their focus to stuff like action, adventure, and strategy. In any case, it wasn't until later that <i>Seiken Densetsu</i> became a different series all its own.<br />
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<b><u>The Characters</u></b><br />
The hero of the story is an ex-gladiator turned defender of mana and the world. His name is . . . whatever you decide to name him, in the English version. In the original Japanese, he's named Sumo. Y'know, like the big guys who push each other for sport. Unlike other games in and similar to this genre, our hero isn't a silent protagonist, though just barely. He's not much of a talker, but then neither is anyone else in FFA. All that can really be said about his characterization is that he's a pretty decent fellah and he's willing to go through a whole lotta crap in order to save the world.<br />
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Early on he meets a young lady - named Fuji like the mountain in the original Japanese or whatever you decide to name her in the English version - who seems to be the key to protecting mana from those who would misuse it. She owns a pendant which also figures into the whole scheme, and both she and it spend most of the game as the macguffin you have to chase around the map since they both are continually getting kidnapped and/or stolen.<br />
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Dark Lord is the resident bad guy, presumably because his parents named him "Dark Lord". He's got a second-in-command named Julius who's a magician type and pretty mean and nasty.<br />
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And then there's some NPCs now and again. Most of them are your standard walky-around-and-spout-random-information types. A handful push the game along in some fashion or another, such as the Gemma knight (an order dedicated to protecting mana) who charges you with guarding Jo and the pendant. And some actively join you in your quest. All of them, however, are pretty much small change. Generally unimportant to the actual quest, only briefly a part of the narrative overall, and not much worth mentioning. No, seriously. I'm not just saying this to keep from having to type any more in this section. If the game has simply had signposts in the place of most of the folks, no one would have been able to tell the difference.<br />
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<b><u>The Writing</u></b><br />
Just as the characterization described above suggests, the writing is so bare bones as to almost be marrow alone. Hell, it's downright abominable in some spots. Dude plays some music, something happens as a result, and the entire explanation is: "Mystic tune?" "Yeah."<br />
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It would be easy to blame the localization of the game, and it would probably be a fair cop. It's true that a lot of games at the time had their stories dumbed down by the English translators, and this one almost certainly wasn't an exception. However, that doesn't explain away how skeletal the whole story overall is. It's not just the dialogue. Much of the action is just filler, fluff, stalling for time. A lot of the things you're called upon to do don't actually have anything to do with saving the mana tree or stopping Dark Lord. They're just random obstacles that suddenly pop up to keep you separated from the macguffin of the moment, be it the girl, the pendant, or both.<br />
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One of the earliest instances of this is when the hero and heroine spend the night in a tower during their travels and, oops, the girl gets kidnapped by a vampire. Not a vampire sent by Dark Lord or Julius to stop the forces of good from succeeding. Not a vampire interested in harnessing mana for himself. Nope, just a vampire out for some nubile girly flesh. Guess you better go take care of that before you get on to doing whatever else it was you were supposed to be doing. No no, it's cool, saving the world can wait.<br />
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I don't mind jumping through hoops to get to the end of the line. I don't even mind when a few of those hoops are sidelines to the main quest. All these hoops are, after all, a necessary part to the RPG process. But when only one out of every five or six missions has anything even remotely to do with beating the big bad guy, I gotta start getting the feeling that the writers didn't really know what to do with their own premise.<br />
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<b><u>The Gameplay</u></b><br />
For an easy comparison, FFA basically plays like the old top-down <i>Legend of Zelda</i> games. You view the action from above, moving the hero around on a square-ish battlefield and taking suckahs out left and right and up and down. A charge up meter sits at the bottom of the screen, charging up whenever you're not actively trying to slay things. When it reaches its peak, you can execute a special move with whatever weapon you have equipped, that move usually having to do with throwing the weapon across the screen.<br />
<br />
Speaking of weapons, I do rather like the weapon system in place here. You get several different kinds of weapons to choose from, including but not limited to battle axes, whips, and spears. Many of them are not only useful in breaking down baddies into finely sliced, stabbed, or lashed open sections, they also have other abilities helpful in your quest, such as crossing gaps and cutting down trees that stand in the way. It adds a fair amount of depth into what might have otherwise been a simple little hack 'n' slash.<br />
<br />
Sadly, the weapons have their downside as well, that being that it's difficult to be sure you've hit your enemy with most of them. If the baddie doesn't have a knockback animation - which is often - you have to depend on a "whack" sound that's sometimes difficult to make out over the "weapon swing" sound and the background music. It can lead to situations where you're wailing away at some evil fungus or goblin or hedgehog but you don't notice for a few seconds that you're not actually hitting the bastard and they end up turning right around and clobbering you right in the face quite handily.<br />
<br />
I mentioned before that NPCs are pretty much useless in the game, but truthfully it's worse than that. Their crimes range from petty criminal negligence to outright belligerent harassment.<br />
<br />
Let me go on record as saying that I hate hate HATE that whole "walk into someone to talk to them" thing that was so prevalent in Square's early RPGs. It's annoying as hell when you're trying to get by someone, there's only about an inch of space to get by (if that), and they have a twenty minute conversation loaded, cocked, and ready to fire each and every time you try to step around 'em. On the bright side, you can kill them dead.<br />
<br />
Or, uh, so I heard.<br />
<br />
AI controlled characters sometimes join you, but they're hardly any help at all as their entire schtick is to walk around aimlessly and shoot/magic/stab/nothing randomly all around them with absolutely no regard as to where the bad guys actually are. There are certain things you can get them to do if you use the "ASK" option, like heal you or whatever, but that's really where their helpfulness begins and ends.<br />
<br />
But the thing that ended up annoying me the most was the fact that there were locked doors in dungeons for which you needed keys. Not so much that these things existed, as they're a perfectly good staple of video games overall. It was that I had to buy the keys at stores outside the dungeons, straining the seams on my tiny and usually already full-to-bursting inventory bag. It was either that or simply hoping that they would randomly drop from an enemy, which they only very rarely did.<br />
<br />
This still wouldn't have been so bad if the locked doors were only to special areas with extra stuff. But as the game progresses more and more of these doors are part of the actual gauntlet that you need to run to get to the end. Furthermore, if you traveled enough rooms away, the doors you had already unlocked before will magically reappear, locked once again and requiring another key from your inventory to pass through! All put together, this smacks of simple douchebaggery on the part of the programmers, and it's the reason I finally gave up on beating the game about halfway through.<br />
<br />
That's right, I'm doing a full review on a game I didn't finish. I usually don't like doing that, but I think I still managed to play enough to get a good feel of what FFA's about. The problem is that I got into a section of Dark Lord's castle that was about six or seven rooms from one end to the other, and both of those ends had locked doors on them. And I had run out of keys. And after nearly two hours of grinding through monsters I still hadn't found a key drop. I probably could have kept grinding for several more hours until a key finally fell out of one of the treasure chests, but all the other little annoyances in the game had already discouraged me and this was just the last straw.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Challenge</u></b><br />
Your allies are randomly attacking morons and the enemies are absolutely no different. With very few exceptions (those generally being the ones firing magic attacks), every single baddie just walks slowly around the screen, attacking the air around them in the hopes that they eventually hit something. More often than not, the threat they pose is one of being unpredictable as well as just sheer numbers crowding in your way.<br />
<br />
I know it's just a Game Boy game, but surely something a little bit better than this was possible. At least getting either the baddies or the goodies to actively turn toward whatever side of the screen the opposition is on, even if they don't line themselves up exactly.<br />
<br />
In any case, this makes the game frustratingly uneven in the challenge arena with everything being up to simply how the random number gods decide to fall that particular battle.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Sights</u></b><br />
If there's one spot I can say FFA does bring the goods, it's in the looks department. The backgrounds are pretty good, and the sprites are pretty much spectacular. While not tremendously expressive, they are very detailed and well designed. I am approve.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Sounds</u></b><br />
As mentioned in the gameplay section, the "hit" sound effect can often be difficult to detect. One of the reasons for this is that the background music is often loud and almost uniformly terrible. There's the occasional gem that slipped through somehow, but for the most part the music is clanging, piercing, grating, or otherwise just plain horrible. I tried not to pay attention to it as much as possible, and even tried to shut it off so I could listen to some of my own music, but unfortunately I still needed some of the sound cues to play the game properly.<br />
<br />
Bleh.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Bottom Line</u></b><br />
I have to say that I wasn't sure I could make it through this review without inevitably drawing comparisons to the sequel <i>Secret of Mana</i>. Thankfully I think I managed quite well and such comparisons can wait until I do the SoM review.<br />
<br />
Now, I know that much of what I've said here has been pretty negative, but I do have to say that for the most part all of my complaints are rather small ones. The annoyances were petty more often than not, and on their own I could have easily ignored them and gotten on with the game. It's just that there were <i>so many</i> of them all ganging up on me at once that my patience finally began to wear thin.<br />
<br />
I could see, however, why so many folks like FFA, why it has a good-sized fan-base. It's just that I personally couldn't look past the flaws to truly enjoy the gem that I could sense hidden underneath. If you like action, RPGs, or action RPGs, I would definitely recommend you at least give this game a whirl. Who knows? You might be able to enjoy it where I didn't!Roland 'Jim' Loweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01798414712731436844noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678596971079093894.post-90493542354892388212011-11-05T10:57:00.000-05:002011-11-05T10:57:26.377-05:00Fun: Good Old Games<a href="http://www.gog.com/">I have a new favorite site.</a> And if you love old games like I do, you may have a new favorite site, too. It's like an old school gamer's wet dream.<br />
<br />
<b>Good Old Games</b> has a ton of exactly what their name implies, all for the low prices of either $5.99 or $9.99 . . . except for a few that are free free FREE. Those few being <i>Beneath a Steel Sky</i>, <i>Lure of the Temptress</i>, <i>Ultima IV</i>, <i>Teenagent</i>, <i>Dragonsphere</i>, and <i>Tyrian 2000</i>.<br />
<br />
And besides offering these great games to folks, GOG has also gone to the trouble of setting them up where they'll work on newer machines with little to no trouble at all! That's pretty swell of 'em, I'd say.<br />
<br />
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to fill my wishlist up with virtually every single game on the site.Roland 'Jim' Loweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01798414712731436844noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678596971079093894.post-87065776820422597592011-10-25T14:43:00.003-05:002011-10-26T00:49:33.262-05:00Short 'n' Sour - Splatterhouse 2, System Shock, and Back to the Future (NES)<span style="font-size: large;">Splatterhouse 2</span><br />
<br />
<u>Platform</u>: Sega Genesis<br />
<u>Developer</u>: Namco<br />
<u>Released</u>: 1992<br />
<u>Genre</u>: Beat 'Em Up<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Game</u></b><br />
It's been three months since Rick donned the Terror Mask and splattered the walls of West Mansion with the vile ichor of monsterkind. Nightmares haunt his sleep and he begins to hear the voice of the Terror Mask again, telling him that Jennifer doesn't have to die. Heeding its siren call, Rick returns to West Mansion to once again wear the mask, using its unholy power to save his girlfriend.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Good</u></b><br />
Far improved graphics than the original (even though Rick still does his little "jump without bending his knees" thing). The scenes in between stages give a small glimpse into Rick's thoughts as well as setting up the next level. There's a new password system allowing the player to get back to the last level they reached without having to play through from the beginning all over again.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Bad</u></b><br />
At first I was excited about <i>Splatterhouse 2</i>. Better graphics, actual story elements, and so on. But as I progressed through the first three levels (which is as far as I got), that excitement gradually wore thin until it finally evaporated.<br />
<br />
What I came to realize was despite the prettier packaging, <i>Splatterhouse 2</i> is still basically the exact same game as its predecessor. Perhaps even <i>more</i> so. Rick doesn't have any new moves in his arsenal, just the old punch-kick-jump-jumpkick routine. He's got some different looking weapons (like what appears to be a human thigh bone), but their basic use - to smash enemies quicker and with a gorier death animation - is still the same. Having gone through the whole rote memorization routine with the first game, I find that it's even more strictly adhered to in this one. The second stage was pure drudgery as I worked my way through the same choreography over and over again, adjusting my moves slightly here and there until I got it exactly right, and the third stage was so set in its own little rhythms, so stuck in a rut that it was painfully obvious a blindfolded man who already knew the right sequence of moves could make it through without breaking a sweat, that I finally gave up the entire exercise as completely pointless.<br />
<br />
There's no life to the game, no real strategy. I might as well be playing a memory game with playing cards. Hell, if the playing cards also had images of monsters being squished in horrifically violent and disgusting ways printed on them, the illusion would be complete. <i>Splatterhouse: TCG</i>.<br />
<br />
I wonder if there are enough <i>Splatterhouse</i> fans out there that I could market this idea to.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">System Shock</span><br />
<br />
<u>Platform</u>: Computer<br />
<u>Developer</u>: Looking Glass Studios<br />
<u>Released</u>: 1994<br />
<u>Genre</u>: First Person Shooter, Action Adventure<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Game</u></b><br />
In the year 2072, a hacker is hired/blackmailed into removing the ethical constraints on an artificial intelligence named SHODAN, who runs a space station for the megacorporation TriOptimum. In return, he receives a set of military grade cybernetic implants, and the surgery keeps him in a healing coma for several months. When he wakes up, he finds that SHODAN has gone completely megalomaniacal and intends to use the resources of Citadel Station to take over the world, wipe out all current life, and start anew with herself as Earth's malevolent goddess. Time to rage against the machine.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Good</u></b><br />
A lot of the good things that I mentioned in my <a href="http://yotgr.blogspot.com/2011/01/system-shock-2.html"><i>System Shock 2</i> review</a> are here in a sort of larval form, <i>but</i> . . .<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Bad</u></b><br />
. . . the larval forms aren't just underdeveloped, they're also poorly implemented in many ways. I don't want to blame the developers here, because they <i>were</i> all wonderful ideas, as SS2 demonstrated five years later. This game was simply way ahead of its time and suffered from it, being limited by the technology current at the time as well as utilizing a lot of FPS conventions that we take for granted now but were completely new back then, untried, untested.<br />
<br />
I won't go into all of it (this is supposed to be <i>short</i>, after all) but the control scheme, I think, is the absolute worst part of the whole thing. It's a fully-realized 3D environment, but the mouse doesn't control where you're looking. Instead, it's in a constant interact mode with the game world, leaving all camera controls to the keyboard, which is extremely awkward. The mouse can be used for some limited movement of the character himself, but since you need to use the mouse to click on doors to open them, this can be slightly problematic. The character can be posed using various keys, enabling him to lean to either side, duck down, look up and down and all around, and this all sounds fine in theory, but in practice it made me feel more like I was trying to pose a mannequin the entire time rather than move around like an actual human being.<br />
<br />
Have you ever seen the movie <i>Meet Dave</i>, where Eddie Murphy is a spaceship piloted by a bunch of tiny aliens? There's a scene where they're first trying to get used to walking the ship around naturally (part of which can be seen in <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvsijM8XcVg">this trailer</a>), but his limbs kind of go all wacky-like the whole time. This is sort of what trying to drive the Hacker around is like.<br />
<br />
I'd already tried playing SS a few times before and ended up quitting after just a few minutes every time. This time I finally made it to a cyberspace node and found the controls there slippery and difficult to get a good feel for, so sadly I had to quit again. It was after I shut the game off and relaxed back in my seat that I realized that I had been tensed up the entire time I had been playing because I was concentrtating so damn hard on just moving around. This does not strike me as an indicator of good game design.<br />
<br />
I'm thankful as all get out that SS led to the far superior SS2, but damn. It's just . . . horrible. A great idea buried by its own terrible interface.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Back to the Future (NES)</span><br />
<br />
<u>Platform</u>: Nintendo Entertainment System<br />
<u>Developer</u>: Beam Software<br />
<u>Released</u>: 1989<br />
<u>Genre</u>: Action Adventure<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Game</u></b><br />
In this game based on the hit movie of the same name, Marty McFly has to race his way across Hill Valley so he can hop in the DeLorean time machine and blast back to the future! Can he make it through the various dangers of 1955 to make it back to his home era of 1985? Only time will tell.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Good</u></b><br />
Nothing.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Bad</u></b><br />
That's weird. I don't remember the part of the movie where Marty was running along a street filled with hula hooping girls intent on killing him with their purple spit. Maybe it was in the deleted scenes. I also don't remember him PISSING ME OFF SO GODDAMNED MUCH. He doesn't even really look like Marty but like one of Biff's bullies in a muscle shirt, his hit detection is shit, he has <i>two</i> clocks running against him at once (the disappearing photo as well as the standard level timer), and his theme music sucks. According to Wikipedia, the background music is supposed to be a sped up version of "Power of Love", but I don't believe that for even a second.<br />
<br />
Now, moving away from things I <i>don't</i> remember, I <i>do</i> seem to remember this game being better when it was one of the mini-games in <i>Skate or Die</i>. I may be wrong in that. But I also remember playing <i>Paperboy</i> (another game that will likely end up in the Short and Sour stack), and I'm pretty sure BttF is just as horrible. For example, the whole programming the game where power-ups and other items are sitting in spots where no one could possibly ever retrieve them without losing a life. That's smart work, folks.<br />
<br />
I don't think I've ever made it past the malt shop "boss" level. It's a combination of said level being stupid hard and the fact that I just don't give enough of a shit about the game to try and get any further. I decided to give up the future during this playthrough after I actually managed to block a good number of bullies but then got thrown out anyway and had to start the whole last section over again just to get back to the malt shop.<br />
<br />
Fuck that.<br />
<br />
Like <i>System Shock</i> above, I was tensed up during most of the time I was playing. A game should have you on the edge of your seat with excitement, not shriveling up into yourself because you're afraid to make even a single wrong move. BttF was poorly designed, poorly executed, and there's plenty of good reasons why everyone - including the people who made the films - hates it.Roland 'Jim' Loweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01798414712731436844noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678596971079093894.post-85524190815987733062011-10-25T02:18:00.002-05:002011-10-25T03:40:37.307-05:00Mickey Mousecapade<div align="center"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v608/esn1g/Reviews/mickeymousecapade_game01.jpg"></div><br />
<u>Platform</u>: Nintendo Entertainment System<br />
<u>Developer</u>: Hudson Soft<br />
<u>Released</u>: 1988<br />
<u>Genre</u>: Platformer<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Story</u></b><br />
Mickey and Minnie hear a cry for help from a mysterious source! Ever ready to lend a hand to someone in need, they set off on an adventure to save whoever it is from whatever the heck is going on!<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Game</u></b><br />
Though not exactly a remarkable game in and of itself, the background of the game is actually a bit interesting. It was originally titled <i>Micky Mouse: Adventures in Wonderland</i> when it was released in Japan by Hudson Soft. Capcom then brought it over to the English speaking world, changing the name to <i>Mickey Mousecapade</i> (not <i>Mickey MousecapadeS</i> as so many people, including myself, have called it), altering almost every sprite in the game, and changing the story a bit. The full scope of these changes will be described in the appropriate sections below, but suffice it to say . . . they didn't make too much sense.<br />
<br />
In any case, MM is also remarkable in that it started an era of Capcom making Disney-themed games. If nothing else, I think we can all thank MM for paving the way for <i>Duck Tales</i>.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Characters</u></b><br />
The main two characters of the game are Mickey and Minnie Mouse, Disney's prominent mascot and his girlfriend. They're sort of emulating their mostly-silent versions here, as Mickey says a total of two different words throughout the entire game, and as far as I can remember Minnie doesn't say anything at all.<br />
<br />
These two intrepid mousies are off on an adventure to save . . . ALICE! ALICE ALICE ALICE! Y'know, from Wonderland? There, I spoiled the surprise. But I had to, you see. Firstly, because in the Japanese version, it's <i>not</i> a surprise. Right from the start it's known that you're going to be battling your way through Wonderland (I mean, heck, it's in the title) to save poor little girl Alice who has been caught and imprisoned and whatnot. Secondly, it needs to be mentioned to help along with the talking about the changes that were made to the game thing. And thirdly, I remember just how bitterly disappointed I was that I was saving Alice. It was made out to be this big huge mystery as to who I was trying to save . . . and it was just li'l ol' Alice.<br />
<br />
I mean, I guess she deserves to be saved just like anybody else, but Capcom actually set things up to be like some sort of cool mystery, like there was going to be an awesome twist at the end. Like you beat the game and it turns out you were actually saving Mickey and Minnie and you weren't the real Mickey and Minnie but robots from the future made to look like them sent back to the past to save them from their certain death! But no, it's just Alice.<br />
<br />
So if you haven't played the game before and you might have been intrigued by the cool mystery, I have just saved you the bother. No need to thank me. Just doin' my job.<br />
<br />
Anyway, next we have the bosses. This is where the major changes to the game come in. As mentioned enough to make one gag already, the original version of MM was set in Wonderland. You wouldn't really be able to tell it from the stages unless you thought about it way too hard, but at least the bosses were Wonderland material through and through. The Cheshire Cat, the Dodo, the Caterpillar, and finally her big bad majesty, the Queen of Hearts. Well, there's also Captain Hook of <i>Peter Pan</i> fame. Apparently Neverland takes up some Wonderland real estate. In the Americanized version, however? These become a witch, a crocodile, a snake, and Maleficent from <i>Sleeping Beauty</i>. Oh, and the good Cap'n is replaced by Pegleg Pete in his pirate garb.<br />
<br />
You may notice that only two of these replacement bosses really have any direct connection with Disney. Of course, there have been some attempts by people to place the others somewhere in the Disneyverse as well. The most logical and probable of these is the crocodile, thought to be the clock-swallowing croc who's always after Captain Hook's other hand. The reason this seems sound is the fact that said tick-tock croc is actually on the game's American box art. Of course, this brings up the question of why they bothered putting in the croc if they took out Hook? Less probable is that the snake is Kaa from <i>The Jungle Book</i>. I mean, it's possible, but it barely looks anything like him. And the most bewildering of all is the witch. There have been a couple of witches in Disney cartoons, but this one doesn't look anything like any of them past the whole stereotypical witch look.<br />
<br />
Then there are the smaller, regular baddies that roam the various levels. And though most of them had absolutely nothing to do with <i>Alice in Wonderland</i> or even Disney in general, many of them were changed as well. Stuff like switching out gophers for cats and one kind of bird for another kind of bird and even simple color swaps like turning pink flowers red. At least if the flowers had been white in the original and they'd been changed to red for the overseas release, that could have been a very clever inside joke on Capcom's part.<br />
<br />
I've taken a look around to see if I could find the reasons for these changes, but the overwhelming evidence seems to indicate that <i>nobody knows</i> why Capcom did this. People have theories of course, but then people always have <i>theories</i>. In the end, it just doesn't seem to make any sense. The only reason to have hidden the Wonderland characters was to keep Alice's presence a secret, which in itself didn't make sense.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Writing</u></b><br />
The original story is very straightforward. Alice is kidnapped by the Queen of Hearts. Micky and Minnie try to save her. As mentioned before, Capcom tried to mix this up a little . . . and in this at least they were halfway successful in making an intriguing story. They hid the identity of the person in trouble, adding some mystery to the proceedings. The box art and the ads showed footprints leading them on, and I remember feeling a sense of following those footprints in the game itself. Which was kind of exciting, sort of like I was an adventuring sleuth on the trail.<br />
<br />
But, as also mentioned before, the mystery guest is just Alice. So . . . yay? Seems like a waste of a good marketing campaign. And basically that was all they succeeded at in the writing arena: making a good marketing campaign. The game itself is typical of most older platformers in that if you can find any actual narrative structure, then more than likely it was merely accidental, not something the creators had intended.<br />
<br />
Even if one took into account that the game was supposed to be proceeding through Wonderland as per the original storyline, the levels simply have little to nothing to do with Wonderland. You could make cases for the house being the mirror house from <i>Through the Looking Glass</i> or the ocean level being the ocean of Alice's tears, or the forest being . . . um. Well, there were a couple of different forests in the movie, I guess. But see, that's the thing, the levels are <i>at best</i> only vaguely connected to anything Disney in general much less Wonderland specifically. They're just sort of generic settings for Mickey and Minnie to jump around in.<br />
<br />
Capcom gets an E for Effort regarding the adverts, but they and Hudson both get an F for pretty much everything else.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Gameplay</u></b><br />
Much of the game is set up to be a pretty standard platformer. There are enemies running around trying to attack you. There are items to pick up. There are, ultimately, platforms.<br />
<br />
Players take control Mickey as he jumps his way around these platforms, shooting at enemies with stars (energy balls in the original) and generally just being a typical platformer hero. Players also take control of Minnie. Though by "take control" in this instance I mean "hope she kind of does what you want/need her to do at any particular moment".<br />
<br />
Those of you who remember <a href="http://yotgr.blogspot.com/2011/10/ren-and-stimpy-stimpys-invention.html">my review of <i>Stimpy's Invention</i></a> (and why shouldn't you, it was just a couple of weeks ago!) will surely remember that I was rather disparaging of the double-character control setup. <i>Mickey Mousecapade</i> is not disabusing me of that disparagement. Minnie does bring a little to the plate after you've procured her star attack, enabling you to utilize her in an inventive way during boss fights (protip: she's invincible against enemy attack and can climb ladders while you stay on a lower level), but otherwise she's a drain. A lead weight. A nuisance.<br />
<br />
If she dies, Mickey dies. And when you're jumping over deadly pits like in the ocean level, she can and will fall into said deadly pits if you're not careful to keep her right there with you. If Mickey is at an exit but Minnie isn't, neither of them can leave the room. This lead to at least a few instances (especially during the final stage in the castle) where I'd clear out an entire room and it would still take me an extra half a minute or so trying to get her up all the platforms to the exit.<br />
<br />
And then there's the thing where you find secret items and reveal them with your star shooter only to find out that it's a monster that kidnaps Minnie and you have to get her back by finding a secret key and then playing a guessing mini-game to get her back. So <i>that's</i> fun.<br />
<br />
<i>Not.</i><br />
<br />
But even if the double character nonsense got taken out, there's still a lot of little annoyances in the game from a single character perspective. I do have to say that it's interesting in a way, at least. Playing a lot of these older games makes me realize just how much we now take for granted in platformer games, even the fancy 3D ones of the modern age. Stuff that simply doesn't exist in this game. Stuff like being able to jump from ladders and being able to jump straight up in the air but then move around to some other position like a floating leaf that tumbles at its own discretion. Here you can only drop from ladders like a stone, usually right into enemy fire, and if you just straight up in the air then you're not going to be doing anything other falling straight back down.<br />
<br />
This isn't really <i>bad</i>, per se. It's annoying, but only because I've been pampered by modern gameplay. Otherwise it's merely an interesting thing to note about the evolution of the platformer genre in general.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Challenge</u></b><br />
Y'know, I remember that when I was a kid, I thought <i>Mickey Mousecapade</i> was tough as hell. Ridiculously hard in the grand tradition of many Nintendo games of the age. I was surprised, then, upon picking it up for first time in at least two decades and busting out the first three levels with only a few minor irritations. They were, sadly, irritations of the type where things aren't really challenging in a fair and balanced way but in a "oh FUCK YOU, GAME" way. Still, easily surmountable.<br />
<br />
Then I got to the pirate ship stage where the game suddenly became a cheap-shot whorebitch. Fuck you, MM, for setting up four rooms in which hits cannot possibly be reasonably avoided and progress is done more through luck and determination than through skill and gradually learning the curve. Fuck you so very much.<br />
<br />
At the very least it had the decency to actually limit it to just those four rooms. The castle level after is back to a more sprawling architecture and is still rather difficult to navigate, but at least it isn't the complete middle finger to the players that the pirate ship manages to distill and compress so well.<br />
<br />
I'll give the game a middle of the road assessment on challenge, but only as an average of the two extremes.<br />
<br />
I would be remiss if I didn't mention that I can't really state with any authority of the final boss. I managed to get an invincibility fairy right toward the end of the game and touched Maleficent just before it wore off. I didn't really expect it to work but thought, "Eh, what the hell." It did work, meaning I beat her in a possibly record breaking two seconds. Go me!<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Sights</u></b><br />
Honestly, I was fully prepared to just about completely bypass this section with a simple "meh", but upon reflection I find I can't. Much of this reflection has a great deal to do with checking out the various sprite differences between the Hudson and Capcom versions of the game. The thing is, compared to the vast majority of early NES games, MM has it going on. The stages are pretty vibrant, the sprites are actually pretty well constructed in both versions, and it almost looks like it was made at a later stage in the system's life than it actually was. The forest stage is probably the best of the settings, which is kind of surprising given it's pretty much the same thing over and over again only in different seasons.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Sounds</u></b><br />
Not stellar, but still pretty catchy. Seemed like a nice preview of the much better music that would later be heard in <i>Duck Tales</i>.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Bottom Line</u></b><br />
Eh, I have a tough time categorizing this one, really. If you've got nothing else to do some lazy afternoon, bust this game out and give it a whirl. It can be a fun little romp when it's not causing minor blood pressure spikes. But more than it's worth as a game, it should probably be played through at least once for the appreciation of the place in video game history it occupies. Much of what Capcom became through the late 80's and early-to-mid 90's was because they handled publishing this game.Roland 'Jim' Loweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01798414712731436844noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678596971079093894.post-55808346937079471032011-10-10T13:44:00.002-05:002011-10-10T14:00:23.284-05:00Ren and Stimpy: Stimpy's Invention<div align="center"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v608/esn1g/Reviews/stimpysinvention_game01.jpg"></div><br />
<u>Platform</u>: Sega Genesis<br />
<u>Developer</u>: BlueSky Software<br />
<u>Released</u>: 1993<br />
<u>Genre</u>: Platformer<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Story</u></b><br />
Stimpy has built a new invention, the Mutate-O-Matic! It's purpose? To mutate disgusting garbage into delicious food! Ren is skeptical about this strange machine, so in order to show off how awesome it is, Stimpy turns it on full. Unfortunately this causes an overload which makes the machine explode, scattering the parts all over the place. In order to keep it from causing lasting damage, the intrepid duo must seek out the various parts, reassemble them, and then shut the Mutate-O-Matic down for good.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Game</u></b><br />
Most everyone who lived during the 90's will remember <i>The Ren and Stimpy Show</i>, an influential cartoon on Nickelodeon that led the way for future weird cartoons (such as <i>Spongebob Squarepants</i>) and future "mature" cartoons (such as <i>Beavis & Butt-head</i>). Its popularity (with the viewers, if not with Nickelodeon itself) brought about the creation of several video games, including a few after the show went off the air.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Characters</u></b><br />
Ren Höek is a depraved chihuahua with an eye for the ladies, a mind for the money, and a temper for anything and everything that annoys him. Which is anything and everything, but particularly his buddy Stimpy.<br />
<br />
Stimpson J. Cat is a dimwitted cat whose only real smarts are for inventing weird ass shit. He's jolly, good-natured, and basically nothing like Ren.<br />
<br />
Not that you really need to know any of this, since their characterization from the show is hardly used in this game in any significant way past being a general frame for the setting.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Writing</u></b><br />
There isn't any, really. There's the setup at the beginning, then the rest of the game is just running around to various random places to collect invention pieces. There's no real plot or humor or anything, just cartoonish action.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Gameplay</u></b><br />
From the options menu, the player can choose to play as either Ren or Stimpy, but it hardly matters considering you can switch between the two at any time while playing the game, and they don't really have any difference in style except for the purely aesthetic. Their moves may look different, but in most cases they function exactly the same. Both characters are, in fact, playable at the same time, and whichever one you're not playing as will simply follow along with you . . . for the most part.<br />
<br />
Basically, the double character play is shit. If you want to do a ranged attack, for instance, you have to have the other character near you. I played Ren most of the time, which meant said attack was Ren grabbing Stimpy and squeezing him so that he'd hork out a high-speed hairball. If Stimpy is even just a few millimeters away from Ren, however? Short range attack. I can't express just how annoying it is to be trying to take down a target that's heading at you, you're brimming with confidence that you can take it out before it becomes a threat, but Stimpy moves just a little bit to the left and you get hit because Ren's puny little flyswatter can't reach all the way across the damn screen. Pretty much half the game was spent popping the air uselessly like this.<br />
<br />
Having to rely on the other character is also annoying for various hurdles that require both of you to jump up on something, particularly the fire hydrants in the City level. It takes Ren and Stimpy both to make the hydrants propel you up to higher levels, but in many cases you'll jump up and the other character won't. And you try to jump and jump and jump in a futile effort to get them to jump too, but all they do is just stand there and blissfully ignore you.<br />
<br />
If you have a buddy to play with, taking control of the second character, this may ameliorate some of these problems . . . but given the way first and second players of video games <i>tend</i> to cooperate, I kind of doubt it. And anyway, it's not like there aren't enough problems concerning just the stuff that you can do <i>without</i> the second character. Trying to grab onto ladders, pipes, and other climbable things is a horrific experience, relying on you pressing up at the precise nanosecond you enter the precise nanometer of actually climbable space. And jumping . . . hoo boy. I won't say it's exactly a deal breaker for playing the game, but it's still a fair bit inaccurate, and even after I got used to it I ended up overshooting my target several times when Ren or Stimpy got just a little bit too enthusiastic.<br />
<br />
Overall, for a platformer, the game doesn't do platforming very well.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Challenge</u></b><br />
The hit detection in the game is rather wonky, so you can't really tell when something getting near you is actually going to hurt Ren or Stimpy. It's pretty much the same problem as the ladders mentioned above, only applied to the enemies, and I think the main reason it's a problem is the cartoony look imposed on everything. Of course, it's got to look cartoony 'cause it's based on a cartoon, but unfortunately this really works against it because most everything has poorly defined boundaries as a result. This makes things a bit more challenging than they would be otherwise as a result, more of that false difficulty so common in (poorly made) games of the time.<br />
<br />
The level in which Ren and Stimpy puff themselves up like balloons is annoying as hell, particularly since the other character suddenly becomes solid and can either block your path or bump you into bad guys. Even more frustrating is that they also don't help whatsoever except to pick up items along the way, which they'll only do incidentally, never on purpose. So whatever limited usefulness they may have been in other levels becomes completely negated in this one.<br />
<br />
Furthermore: FUCK YOU, BICYCLE LEVEL.<br />
<br />
Basically, whenever the game tries to change up the formula from a standard platformer, it fails and fails <i>hard</i>. The new mechanics feel horribly out of place and end up being even more frustrating than the already poorly designed regular mechanics. As a result of these changes they become the most difficult parts of the game, but purely because they're crap design.<br />
<br />
And then what do I get for all my troubles? A crappy instrumental version of the "Happy Happy Joy Joy" song with accompanying bouncing ball karaoke that's off in its timing. Fuck that noise.<br />
<br />
The only saving grace is that it didn't take very long to beat. Just a few hours, really. <i>Stimpy's Invention</i> is just one of those games that isn't particularly hard to beat, but every setback feels twenty times more frustrating than it should and there's so little in the way of reward to offset that frustration.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Sights</u></b><br />
If there is one spot where the game excels, it's in the looks department. Said looks may have made the hit detection go all awry, but they're still pretty good. It's got the feel of the show down pat, and it's a rather pretty game overall.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Sounds</u></b><br />
For the first little while trying to play the game, I thought there was a problem with my emulator because the sound wasn't coming on. I thought I'd fixed the problem, but then I learned that the problem was with the <i>game</i>, not with the emulator or the ROM itself. My sources tell me that every once in a while the sound simply won't be there, even if you're using one of the original cartridges. I'm fairly certain that emulating the game may have made it worse, however, as I had to reset it around ten or more times regularly before the sound finally popped on.<br />
<br />
But then when it <i>did</i> start up, I almost immediately felt sorry it had. The background music wasn't particularly bad, but the sound effects were. Especially egregious were the fart sounds in the balloon level. I mean really, there are plenty of non-annoying fart sounds they could have used, surely. Why pick the ones that stab me in the ear in a way reminiscent of mosquito buzzing?<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Bottom Line</u></b><br />
Honestly, I never really enjoyed the Ren and Stimpy cartoon. I don't hate it or anything. It's just not really my thing. But the fact that the game is Ren and Stimpy was one of the <i>least</i> disappointing things about it in the end. Poorly made from one end to the other. The only real enjoyment I got out of it was the pretty graphics and slapping Stimpy around like it was going out of style. YOU STOOPID EEDIOT!Roland 'Jim' Loweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01798414712731436844noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678596971079093894.post-65195256502288505762011-10-10T13:40:00.000-05:002011-10-10T13:40:23.280-05:00News: Back in the SaddleHey! Got me a new little gadget that allows me to hook up my Playstation controller to my computer, so I'm able to play mah games again. Time to get back to the reviews!Roland 'Jim' Loweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01798414712731436844noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678596971079093894.post-61868206864037509602011-01-25T22:40:00.000-06:002011-01-25T22:40:56.107-06:00News: Hail To The DukeHey, you guys remember that <i>Duke Nukem</i> game? And <i>Duke Nukem 2</i>? And maybe even <i>Duke Nukem 3D</i>? Let alone all those other <i>Duke</i> games that got made?<br />
<br />
But more importantly, remember that one that <i>didn't</i> get made? Well here's the official (WARNING, OFFENSIVE CONTENT) trailer for that game.<br />
<br />
<div align="center"><iframe width="480" height="295" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/1-b78TKZIyw?fs=1" frameborder="0" allowFullScreen=""></iframe></div><br />
Personally, I don't care if I ever get to play this game, or even if I do and it ends up sucking. This trailer on its own was more than enough to satisfy me in several very naughty ways.Roland 'Jim' Loweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01798414712731436844noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678596971079093894.post-1946239848407813332011-01-14T22:08:00.000-06:002011-01-14T22:08:11.666-06:00Fun: Bustin' Makes Me Bite The HandMan, the game I'm currently playing through is taking me quite a while to get through. I might not get done with it by the end of the month! So instead of just leavin' ya hangin', I thought I might sling out this neat video I found of someone indiscriminately killing scientists and guards with extreme prejudice in <i>Half-Life</i>.<br />
<br />
<div align="center"><iframe width="425" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/0rOl-dEExCQ?fs=1" frameborder="0"></iframe></div><br />
Awesome music, too.Roland 'Jim' Loweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01798414712731436844noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678596971079093894.post-87990500039989827502011-01-01T13:18:00.003-06:002011-10-26T01:01:54.682-05:00System Shock 2<div align="center"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v608/esn1g/Reviews/systemshock_game02.jpg"></div><br />
<u>Platform</u>: PC<br />
<u>Developer</u>: Irrational Games and Looking Glass Studios<br />
<u>Released</u>: 1999<br />
<u>Genre</u>: First Person Shooter, Action Adventure, Survival Horror<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Game</u></b><br />
In the original <i>System Shock</i>, a hacker was hired/blackmailed into removing the ethical constraints on an artificial intelligence named SHODAN, who ran a space station for the megacorporation TriOptimum. In return, he received a set of military grade cybernetic implants, and the surgery kept him in a healing coma for several months. When he woke up, he found that SHODAN had gone completely megalomaniacal and intended to use the resources of Citadel Station to take over the world, wipe out all current life, and start anew with herself as Earth's malevolent goddess. He raged against the machine that he had let loose and eventually destroyed her using his new implants and his genius hacking abilities . . .<br />
<br />
Nearly half a century later, TriOp is still struggling to regain the prestige it held before the incident on Citadel. In a massive PR coup, they manage to land the contract to build the first faster-than-light spaceship, the <i>Von Braun</i>. For its maiden voyage, it is to be accompanied by a military ship, the UNN <i>Rickenbacker</i>. Nothing could possibly go wrong, right?<br />
<br />
A soldier wakes up in a med bay of the <i>Von Braun</i> with no memories of how he got there. A voice speaks to him, telling him that he volunteered for a surgery that would give him experimental cybernetic implants in order to combat a strange force that has taken over the ship . . .<br />
<br />
<i>System Shock 2</i> is the highly acclaimed sequel to a highly acclaimed game, both of which initially released to underwhelming sales and only later were discovered and became known as cult classics. Though perhaps not as well known and/or popular as other FPSes of the time such as <i>Half-Life</i> (which released the previous year) or <i>Deus Ex</i> (which released the following year), both were extremely influential games in their own rights and have extremely dedicated fans. Dedicated enough to actually <a href="http://www.systemshock.org/index.php?topic=392.0">make the game playable on newer systems</a>, where for many years it was infamously difficult if not downright impossible to get it to even start unless you had a Win98 machine or older. And thank goodness they made SS2Tool, or I might not be doing this review right now!<br />
<br />
But yes, influential. How was it influential, you ask? Well, the most concrete instance of this is the <i>Bioshock</i> series, which stands as an official spiritual successor to SS and SS2. Or if that's not your cup of tea, supposedly <i>Dead Space</i> was originally going to be an actual direct sequel to SS2. And even if that isn't true it's still evident that it was heavily based on many of the elements from the earlier game. And all you folks who think <i>Portal</i> is the ultimate of FPS gaming due to GlaDOS and her crazy turrets probably have a great deal of thanks to give to <i>System Shock</i>'s SHODAN and XERXES.<br />
<br />
So the question is . . . does SS2 actually stand up to all the hype that seems to surround it? Well, that's what I'm hoping to suss out here, of course. But before I really begin, let me just warn everyone:<br />
<br />
<b><u><i>BIG FAT SPOILER ALERT!</i></u></b><br />
<br />
This game has a lot of stuff in it that may be best experienced by an actual play through. Two of the main secrets of the game (though one of 'em isn't much of a secret if you're paying any attention at all) are gonna be blown right in the very next section. This game is chock full of spoilery twists and stuff otherwise as well.<br />
<br />
Proceed with caution.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Characters</u></b><br />
The main character of this little venture is generally known only as the Soldier, since he's just a random soldier picked out from the military forces of the <i>Rickenbacker</i>. He's your standard silent hero with little in the way of personality or back story. This jibes with the original game in which the main character was only known as the Hacker and had little in the way of personality or back story. The only real defining characteristic of this character is chosen by the player him or herself, that being whether he's in the Marines, the Navy, or the OSA (psi-corp).<br />
<br />
He's also gained the fan nickname "Goggles" because the cyber-implants on his eyes look like goggles. I'm not very partial to this name myself, so I'll be referring to him as "Soldier" for this review.<br />
<br />
Anyway, who cares about what the boring ol' hero is like, right? In this game, it's all about the villains! And in this case, those villains are . . . <i>the Many</i>.<br />
<br />
"Villains" in the plural is a bit misleading in this case, however. The Many (and this is one of those spoilers I was talking about) is actually a biological mass of various semi-autonomous creatures that share a single hive mind. They were found several light years away from Earth on Tau Ceti V and brought on board the <i>Von Braun</i> to be studied as the first concrete evidence of alien life on other planets.<br />
<br />
Though these creatures come in several different forms, the primary strain is the parasitic annelids that burrow into people, gestate for a bit, burst out of their chest, and then angle back to burrow up through the neck into the brain, whereupon they take complete control of their host's motor functions. The poor human this happens to has some awareness left of what has happened to them, but is unable to do anything about it.<br />
<br />
That's just your basic foot soldier in the Many's army. There's worse out there. <i>Way</i> worse. And they're all looking to either add you to the mass of the Many or destroy you for opposing them. And that is basically what the Many is about. They want to expand their glorious nature, to absorb more minds into its own consciousness, to exult in the warmth and pleasure of the flesh. Which is not as delightful as it may sound at first. And their ultimate intent upon the <i>Von Braun</i> upon finishing their preparations is to sail the FTL ship straight back to Earth and assimilate the entire population.<br />
<br />
Opposing this is - surprise of surprises! - SHODAN, the AI Who Would Be God. She guides the player's actions throughout most of the game as she attempts to use him to destroy the Many. But wait! How did she survive the destruction of Citadel Station so many years ago? Why does she want to destroy the Many? Well . . . those I'll go ahead and leave as spoilers. You'll just have to play the game to find out!<br />
<br />
Who else is there? Well, the only other sort-of notable character is XERXES, the AI running the <i>Von Braun</i> and - to some extent, it seems - the <i>Rickenbacker</i>. After the whole SHODAN incident, AIs became extremely restricted, so Xerc was purposefully built with no self-awareness. He was also built and programmed for cheap, since TriOp is still trying to get their financial legs underneath 'em. Both of these elements together lead Xerc to be easy pickings for the Many, who reprogram him into their digital slave. This spells bad news for the Soldier since the wayward AI runs the security system and the various robots on the ship and will send waves of enemies to attack whenever a camera spots him. He gets some of the best lines in the game, though, since he's still trying to run the ship like everything was normal while adding in bits like "glory to the Many, glory to the mass" every once in a while.<br />
<br />
And then there's the crews of the two ships. Eeeeeh.<br />
<br />
Don't get me wrong. It would definitely have been to the game's detriment if these characters hadn't been included . . . it's just that compared to the show-stealing trinity of the Many, SHODAN, and XERXES, everyone else is sort of forgettable. I will give special mention to Bronson, tho'. She's a hardass.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Writing</u></b><br />
One of the main draws of this game is the writing, and I really think it's from there that a lot of the other elements that make it so wonderful spring.<br />
<br />
Both SHODAN and the Many are wonderfully written characters with well-defined personalities, modes of speaking, goals, and attitudes toward the player. Even the generally forgettable background characters all have distinct personalities and characterizations. XERXES, like I said, gets some of the best lines ever, but just about everyone gets at least one moment of absolute awesome in their dialogue. Let me just give you a small sample . . .<br />
<br />
"<i>Anatoly, there's only so much corporate calisthenics I can go through before I start to feel a little queasy, so let's get down to brass tacks here. We don't like each other. We each have our own motivations for undertaking this mission, so let me give you a little warning. I cannot be circumvented. I cannot be tricked. I cannot be manipulated. And I cannot be bought. You come at me straight and keep the fancy maneuvers for your next board meeting. Just because my father swam with the sharks doesn't mean that I do.</i>"<br />
<br />
That's from William Bedford Diego, captain of the <i>Rickenbacker</i>, leader of the military forces on the mission, and son of the CEO that hired the Hacker to hack SHODAN in the first game, by the way. He's a bit of a badass.<br />
<br />
There are tons of neat little twists throughout the story as it goes along. Some are rather predictable, but that doesn't make them any less awesome. Learning the back story of the Many and how SHODAN got all mixed up into things is pretty trippy.<br />
<br />
And there are a lot of little side-stories here and there that nevertheless tend to tie in seamlessly with both the overall plot and the gameplay itself, mainly in the form of cleverly placed clues that help you advance in the main storyline or simply point you toward much-needed gear and how to get to it.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, there are a few plot holes, I won't lie. Fortunately they're mostly ignorable should you even happen to notice 'em.<br />
<br />
Like the previous <i>System Shock</i> almost all of the back story and a healthy chunk of the currently running story is told through the use of recordings that the Soldier finds littered throughout the ship, mostly work and personal logs left behind by the crew members. Most of them are found in a jumbled order, sometimes detailing what happened after the introduction of the Many to the ship and sometimes before, but always progressively revealing bit by bit what exactly is going on. As long as the player takes the time to seek these logs out and listen to them, a masterfully designed story of mutiny, betrayal, horror, and emergence will unfold.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Gameplay</u></b><br />
SS2 is not your typical FPS. There's a reason why the "Genre" listing near the top of this review lists three types of game that are generally considered to be quite separate from each other. These are the three, by the way, that Wikipedia lists for SS2, but I'm sorely tempted to go ahead and add "Role Playing Game" in there as well. In order to ease the description of the gameplay, I'm gonna break this section down into those three genres.<br />
<br />
Ah, well the hell. I'll do all four!<br />
<br />
<u>First Person Shooter</u><br />
Perhaps first and foremost, SS2 is indeed an FPS. It's the way most people tend to categorize it, I understand, though it's really just as a shorthand since it doesn't cover the full scope of the game.<br />
<br />
Anyway, yes, the game takes place from the main character's viewpoint, and you go around shooting the shit out of whatever is stupid enough to stay in the center of the screen long enough. It follows many of the standard FPS conventions, such as a selection of the basic weapon types (pistol, shotgun, bludgeoning melee weapon, assault rifle, laser pistol, etc.), lots of switches and buttons to flip or press, and some minor platforming sections.<br />
<br />
One interesting addition to the standard FPS model is the introduction of different types of ammo as well as different firing types. For example, the pistol and assault rifle - which use the same ammo - have three different types of bullets: standard, anti-personnel, and armor piercing. The first is your basic, balanced pew pew, of course. The second is best used against the squishier members of the Many, and the last is primarily good for taking down rogue robots, turrets, and other metal-covered monstrosities.<br />
<br />
Each ranged weapon also has two different firing modes. The rifle can be changed from single shot to full auto fire, while the energy pistol can go from normal blasts to overcharged shots that do a lot of damage all at once, but it takes a while for the pistol to recharge for the next shot. These add a wide selection of options on how to proceed through the game, and often has the player having to switch ammo on the fly during fights, adding to the tension.<br />
<br />
<u>Action Adventure</u><br />
Exploration is a large part of the game. The <i>Von Braun</i> is a sprawling ship with lots of twisty, curvy pathways that lead all over the place, sometimes seemingly at random (justified in-universe by TriOp hiring really cheap ship designers), and several areas seem to exist solely for the sake of said exploration and finding hidden caches of weapons and other equipment. Since getting around the ship isn't really a strict case of "getting from point A to point B", it sometimes feels a lot like a Metroidvania game. And even though it's easy to get lost a lot of the time, the areas you might find yourself in are often quite interesting anyway and have lots of neat stuff to grab up!<br />
<br />
There are plenty of puzzles to be had. Though still simplistic by today's standards, they were still fairly sophisticated for FPSes at the time, and many of them involved using combining facets of the inventory, stats, and mini-games elements, as well as making heavy use of the previously mentioned exploration aspect.<br />
<br />
There's a lot of stuff to pick up in this game. Weapons, ammo, armor, medical supplies, technical tools, mission items, random pointless junk . . . tons and tons of stuff. An inventory screen (which also serves many other purposes which will be described further on) is therefore provided, based on a grid system. Weapons take up three spaces while most everything else in the game takes only one apiece, and how many spaces you are provided with is based primarily on how strong the Soldier is. So that's the "adventure" part. Where the "action" part comes in is that the inventory is accessed in real time, meaning that while you're trying to move stuff around, there still might be some nasty nasty monster trying to chew through the back of your neck in the meantime. It adds a sense of urgency and amps up the feeling of paranoia and danger . . . you're not safe, you're never safe, not even in your own inventory screen.<br />
<br />
<u>Survival Horror</u><br />
Past the FPS bit, this is probably the part that everyone remembers SS2 for best. Virtually everything about the game is designed to make you feel as if you're trapped and doing everything you can to make it past insurmountable odds. Unless you're very careful and know what you're doing, ammo is very limited, especially toward the beginning of the game. Inventory space can be very hard to come by, and you often have to figure out what you're going to keep and what you're going to drop. You often hear monsters well before you see them, and this early warning is far less comforting than it is creepy as hell.<br />
<br />
Oh, and your weapons degrade with use. And having one of your guns jam right in the middle of a fight without warning? <i>Very</i> unnerving. You have to use the maintenance skill every once in a while to keep your weapons in good repair, otherwise you might be up the creek when they fail you. Unfortunately, in many cases they degrade a little <i>too</i> swiftly, and the developers have mentioned that that's their fault entirely . . . they'd meant for them to wear out fast, but not quite <i>that</i> fast. Still, as long as you pay attention and know what you're doing, the problem will remain only just enough to keep you sweating, not enough to frustrate you completely.<br />
<br />
Part of this is somewhat mitigated by the use of Quantum Entanglement Devices, which when activated can resurrect the Soldier at their location for a small amount of nanites, the in-game currency. This can damage the "survival" part of the game somewhat, since once you can find a QED on your current deck, you're effectively immortal and death is merely a minor setback, but fortunately it doesn't quite shatter the illusion completely. And considering how often and in how many ways you can die in the game, the QEDs are pretty much essential to getting further into the game.<br />
<br />
<u>Role Playing Game</u><br />
The inventory screen isn't just for inventory! It also gives access to all the audio logs you've picked up, your character's stats, and other useful tidbits. All of the Soldier's abilities are dependent on his stats. Depending on how you built him up during the training portion of the game, he already has a few points in various abilities, but all the rest are increased through the use of cybermodules, which are SS2's version of experience points, gained after completing certain objectives or (on occasion) found randomly about the ship. By accessing certain terminals around the ship, the Soldier can use these modules to improve his stats and skills, becoming a better hacker, getting more psionic abilities, or gaining the ability to use certain weapons.<br />
<br />
There are four special terminals found throughout the game that also give a selection of perks that the player can choose from, as well as software upgrades that give bonuses to the Soldier's technical skills and implants that while powered up can improve his stats and skills or give him new (and sometimes surprisingly disgusting) abilities. In all, it's a very in-depth system for an FPS, and it works extremely well.<br />
<br />
One particularly interesting bit is the research skill. Occasionally the player will run across objects that have no description and must be researched before they can be utilized. Toward the beginning of the game, these come mostly in the form of organs taken from the bodies of the Many, and when fully researched, a damage bonus is then conferred against those particular enemies. Later in the game, unresearched weapons and implants can be found. Besides needing an appropriate level of researching skill to figure them out, the player has to search out certain chemicals that can be found on the various decks of the ship in order to complete their research.<br />
<br />
<u>Overall</u><br />
<i>System Shock 2</i> has a lot of different types of gameplay going on all at once, but it never really feels cluttered or too busy. Each segment fits perfectly into a larger whole and works together beautifully. It many ways, it almost deserves to have a new category all its own.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Challenge</u></b><br />
There are four difficulty settings: Easy, Normal, Hard, and Impossible. These are all pretty much exactly what they say on the tin. I usually play on Normal myself, and once upon a time this gave me a decent challenge without being too horrible frustrating, but now after a fair amount of practice, I may need to move on up to Hard.<br />
<br />
Regardless of which one you're on, however, the survival horror aspects of the game are still in there, making sure things aren't <i>too</i> easy on you.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Sights</u></b><br />
The ship itself is beautiful. Horribly designed (though that was by design), but beautifully textured. It's extremely atmospheric, very dark and creepy looking, and has lots of interesting stuff to look at. The lighting is especially well done . . . a bit <i>too</i> dark at times, but that's what the gamma adjust in the options is for. Either way, it's best played with all the lights around you turned off, not just so you can see better, but to help the mood along.<br />
<br />
The character models, unfortunately, is where the game's graphics fail. Looking outdated even for the time, most of the NPCs (corpses, primarily) and creatures (the human-looking ones, anyway) are extremely angular and have low-grade textures. It's a bit of a shame, but what're ya gonna do?<br />
<br />
Well, what you're probably gonna want to do is get some mods. As I said before, SS2 has a very dedicated fanbase, and there have been several mods made that upgrade the textures of the characters as well as the ship itself, all without effecting gameplay at all. About a third of the way into this last play through, I installed the <a href="http://www.systemshock.org/index.php?topic=22.0">SHTUP</a> (objects) and <a href="http://www.systemshock.org/index.php?topic=8.0">Rebirth</a> (NPCs) mods. While I won't say they can match the cutting edge graphics you'll find today, they certainly go a <i>very</i> long way toward prettying the game up. And since the game was already rather pretty in the first place, it's pretty much going from "Nice!" to "Spectacular!"<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Sounds</u></b><br />
The music soundtrack for SS2 is primarily techno. Cyberpunk, after all, is all about the techno, so there's plenty of high-speed drumbeats and synthesizered sounds to be had. Personally, I love it and have most of the music downloaded to listen to while I'm writing. While playing the game itself, it's particularly fun to zoom through the engineering section to the heartrate-increasing beat jamming out of your computer speakers.<br />
<br />
The voice acting is . . . varied. Some of it is absolutely wonderful. SHODAN, of course, is famous for her particular mode of speech as well as the charged dominatrix tones provided by Terri Brosius. XERXES excels with his deadpan deliveries of truly disturbing lines. The Many's mix of various voices is weird and discombobulating, just as it should be. And a number of the folks doing the audio logs are surprisingly good, considering most of them were just plucked from the ranks of the game's developers, programmers, artists, and such. But sadly, some of them sound exactly like they were just plucked from those ranks. Flat lines, cheesy accents, and so on. It's not horrible enough to ruin the game or anything, but it can be a bit distracting at times.<br />
<br />
But where the sound <i>really</i> comes together for this game is in the ambient sounds made by the various monsters in the game. It's not just what they're saying (though a lot of the things they're saying are weird as hell), but the fact that you can often <i>hear</i> them but not always <i>see</i> them. Not until they're suddenly all up in your face and trying to tear you a new one, that is. Even for a lot of experienced players - like me - this can lead to a whole lot of "OH GAWD WHERE IS IT WHERE IS IT" and swinging the mouse wildly around in an attempt to find an eliminate the source of the noise. You can hear things on the other sides of walls, floors, and ceilings as well, meaning that even if you <i>can</i> figure out that the tromping and synthesized burbling is coming from the floor above you, you're still going into the situation knowing that you don't know <i>exactly</i> where on the floor above you it is. And in SS2, not knowing can get you murdered horribly.<br />
<br />
Perhaps the most disturbing of the monster noises are those made by the protocol droids. Like XERXES, they seem to be under the impression that everything is still just fine, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ymTICQGkXo">and all they want to do is <i>help</i> you, sir</a>.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Bottom Line</u></b><br />
So I was at a buddy's house one day, and he asked if I had ever played <i>System Shock 2</i> before. No, I told him, I hadn't even heard of it. So he took me to his computer, installed the game, and then sat me down in front of it. On his way out of the room, he turned off the light.<br />
<br />
Approximately six hours later, he stuck his head in the door and asked if I was doing alright. My exact answer was to turn around briefly and drool "<i>buuuuuuuh</i>" before going back to the game. I think he laughed briefly before leaving me to it again.<br />
<br />
He <i>knew</i>. The bastard <i>knew</i> what he was doing to me, and he didn't warn me! Well let me warn you, if you haven't played SS2 before: This game lives up to its hype, it is absolutely frickin' <i>awesome</i>, and if you're not careful, it <i>will</i> take over your life for long periods of time. It wasn't until much later that I read <a href="http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/1999/8/13/">this <i>Penny Arcade</i> strip</a>, and I can obviously tell you that it is not in any way an exaggeration. This can actually happen to you. It is that good and that immersive.<br />
<br />
After playing it "briefly" the first time, I eventually borrowed the game from my buddy and played through the entire thing a couple of times before giving it back. Then, years later, I managed to find a copy of it just sitting on the shelf at a local used game store for forty bucks. While I did happen to have the money on me at that time, it was supposed to be my food money for the week. I stood there and agonized for several minutes, but in the end I walked away with my very own copy of <i>System Shock 2</i>, and it was totally worth every penny and the near starvation.<br />
<br />
Is it the best game ever made? Well, probably not. It does have a few unfortunate downfalls. But it is definitely <i>one</i> of the best ever made, and very high on that list besides. If you don't have it, find it. If you can find it, play it. It doesn't matter how you get it. Buy it, copy it, steal it, whatever you have to do.<br />
<br />
<i>System Shock 2</i> fucking rocks.Roland 'Jim' Loweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01798414712731436844noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678596971079093894.post-6511969406311510082010-12-31T21:36:00.001-06:002010-12-31T21:37:56.992-06:00Blog: Oh Right, This Thing!Wow, so, I haven't posted a review - or anything else for that matter - for something like half a year. That's pretty crap of me, isn't it? But I have . . . well, not a good reason. I'm going to be perfectly honest with you. I have a flimsy excuse.<br />
<br />
I mentioned this sort of in passing in another post, but my game controller is messed up. Specifically, the B button doesn't work anymore. Not unless you press really, really hard, and I'm not the least bit interesting in having to press really, really hard, especially since the B button is a pretty important button the game playing process. So I set the controller down and decided to take some time off from the reviewing game until I could find a replacement.<br />
<br />
I did not, obviously, find a replacement. Did you know that retro-style six-button controllers for the computer pretty much do not exist anymore? Not anywhere I've looked, anyway. They're all styled after the Playstation controller nowadays. Not that that's a bad design or anything. In fact, I think it's a wonderful design. Of all the post-18bit controllers that have come out over the years, it's still my favorite. But the problem is, the PS design does not work well with Sega Genesis games, some of which are either more accessible with or even downright <i>require</i> an arcade-format six-button scheme.<br />
<br />
And the extremely few properly retro controllers that I <i>have</i> found? Crap. Completely unsuitable for me for one reason or another.<br />
<br />
But whatever. The search continues for a new controller, but that never should have stopped me from doing reviews in the meantime. Emulation is not the only option available to me, after all! I have plenty of old games that I actually own for the physical consoles sitting in the entertainment center! I have several old computer games that I can play on this old dinosaur of an eMachine! And it just so happens that I've just recently finished one of those games! So as soon as I'm done posting this, I'ma gonna go and start writing a new review!<br />
<br />
<i>Yeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaah!!!</i><br />
<br />
PS, In my absence, Blogspot has apparently added one of those nifty share bars, which can be seen at the bottom of this post (and the others retroactively, I'm guessing?), so please feel free to be kind and start sharing stuff from YOTGR on Twitter or Facebook or wherever else it is the kids like to hang out on these here internets!Roland 'Jim' Loweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01798414712731436844noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678596971079093894.post-81649999803306806362010-07-13T01:49:00.005-05:002010-07-13T02:04:26.318-05:00Beyond Good & Evil<div align="center"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v608/esn1g/Reviews/beyondgoodevil_game01.jpg"></div><br />
<u>Platform</u>: Playstation 2<br />
<u>Developer</u>: Ubisoft<br />
<u>Released</u>: 2003<br />
<u>Genre</u>: Action Adventure<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Game</u></b><br />
Things are looking down for the mining planet of Hillys. Its population is under attack by an alien menace known as the DomZ, which is snatching folks up into space for undoubtedly nefarious purposes. The citizenry is nominally protected by the Alpha Sections, an elite army task force that holds Hillys under the grip of martial law. When freelance photographer Jade takes on a job in order to pay the shield energy bill for her lighthouse home, she ends up involved with an underground resistance intent on exposing both sides for what they really are and taking them down once and for all.<br />
<br />
<i>Beyond Good & Evil</i> is the creation of Michel Ancret, the mind behind the popular <i>Rayman</i> games as well as a number of more obscure titles. For a time, it seemed that BG&E would also languish in obscurity as its initial sales run was very poor despite receiving many high reviews from critics. It has since gained something of a cult following, however, and it has been announced that a sequel is in the works. Whether this will further develop into the full trilogy that Mr. Ancret originally envisioned or not is yet to be seen.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Characters</u></b><br />
Jade is our main character, an intrepid freelance journalist who lives in a huge lighthouse with her "Uncle" Pey'j and a whole bunch of li'l rugrats, orphans of DomZ attacks that she and Pey'j have taken in. She - as with many of the human characters in the game - has a very interesting look about her in that she doesn't have a specific ethnicity. I originally pegged her as Asian, but she seems to be a futuristic mix of all sortsa folk-types. Lineage aside, her gender is definite . . . she's a <i>fine, foxy lady!</i><br />
<br />
Past her appearances, however, beats the heart of a strong, caring person. She watches over the children that live with her as if they were her very own kids, and her bond with Pey'j is as strong as any familial tie. She's also quite the butt-kicker as well, being a tough martial artist that specializes in staff fighting. Her reporting skills are top notch as well, from all indications. She's kind of like Superman, only a hot lady in the future.<br />
<br />
Pey'j is one of a number of humanoid animals running around the game, in his case an anthropomorphic pig. He's a short but boisterous old fellah who is nominally Jade's uncle but acts more like a father to her much of the time. He acts as a general handyman, mechanic, and tinker around the lighthouse, but proof gets dropped every once in a while that he's actually way more brilliant than he lets on.<br />
<br />
Double H is Jade's partner in the resistance for the latter half of the game. She rescues him as he's undergoing brainwashing in a DomZ controlled facility, and as a result he's kind of loopy for a while. And for the rest of the game, for that matter, but it's eventually revealed that his regular personality is that of the big tough guy with a heart of gold and a strict code of honor (the Carlson and Peeters Handbook, to be precise). And he definitely is a big tough guy, the premiere agent of the resistance before Jade comes along and forever clad in Hillys militia armor.<br />
<br />
The DomZ (pronounced "doms", as in multiple dominatrixes) are the primary antagonists in the game, and it is them or their agents that Jade has to face off against throughout. Very little is explained about them, even at the very end, but that's really to be expected considering this is supposed to be part one of three parts overall. There isn't any cohesive appearance to the DomZ other than a certain Giger-esque aesthetic, and they come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. About the only thing most if not all of them share is an orb-shaped part of their body which often turns into a pearl after they are defeated, signifying some sort of connection between them and the pearls you collect to buy certain items with.<br />
<br />
The Alpha Sections are a military faction that have basically taken over the government and declared martial law on Hillys in response to the DomZ attacks. Right from the beginning, however, it becomes apparent that not all is as it seems with them, and Jade is hired by the resistance to seek out what their true motives are. The Alphas are the stock enemies of the game, particularly in the first half.<br />
<br />
Secundo is . . . eugh. I'm just gonna go ahead and say it. I don't really like this guy. He's the artificial intelligence in Jade's SAC (a mini-computer that doubles as a "bag" that holds items by digitalizing them and then later reconstructing them), and he's . . . well, I don't want to say "useless", but he's close to it. He gets a short scene near the beginning of the game where he jabbers on in his bizarre almost-French almost-Spanish almost-Italian accent, then doesn't show up again until almost the very end of the game to pull off a big deus ex machina maneuver. He does pop in on occasion with various "Way to go!" voice overs when Jade picks up a new item, but he has no actual presence in the main game whatsoever. He doesn't even act as a tutorial for the game (mostly because one isn't needed), and if he were cut out completely, I doubt anyone would have really noticed. I almost hope that his existence is justified by having a larger part in the upcoming sequel(s), but then I remember how difficult it is to even understand what they guy is saying most of the time and all hope is lost.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Writing</u></b><br />
Not bad! Well, if you don't mind the open-ended nature of it. Not a lot is explained, and even when revelation seems to be coming fast and furious at the end, we're left hanging with several unanswered questions. What <i>are</i> the DomZ, really? What's the full nature of the connection they seem to have with Jade and Pey'j? Why does Peeters of Carlson and Peeters spell his name with an extra E?<br />
<br />
An unfortunate side-effect of this and the shortness of the game is that it only scratches the surface of the true plot. There are definitely hints of hidden depth, but for the most part we are only allowed to see the shallows up until the very end. For the most part, it's a pretty basic and predictable story of conspiracies and revolution.<br />
<br />
But for all of that (not that any of that is actually <i>bad</i> of course), it's still well constructed and presented. Predictability be damned, each and every plot twist was still brilliant and intensely moving, especially the very ending. The dialogue and characterization is quite vibrant and clever, making me feel very comfortable with these people in this world. Pey'j and Double H are especially good in this aspect, between the one making various pork product jokes at his own expense ("Thanks, Jade! I'd've ended up on a silver platter with an apple in my mouth if it wasn't for you!") and the other constantly quoting cheesy lines from his special agent handbook ("D.B.U.T.T.! Don't Break Up The Team!").<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Gameplay</u></b><br />
As is usual with action adventure games, there's a lot of running around, smacking things around, and moving stuff around. It's all very simple, and everything you really need to know about controlling Jade takes about two minutes total to learn in the game itself, so I won't bother getting into it here.<br />
<br />
These controls, however, are deceptively simple, I think. Unlike some action games that will give their characters a million and one abilities, 90% of which players never actually use under any circumstances (including the circumstances they were put in specifically to deal with), BG&E actually gets a great deal of use out of its limited repertoire. The solutions for all the puzzles in the game may only utilize the same four or five abilities over and over again, but they'll each use those same abilities in unique ways or combinations. It makes for tight yet varied gameplay that I rather enjoyed.<br />
<br />
And even though you change modes of transportation every once in a while (by foot, by hovercraft, and by spaceship, to be specific), most of the basic controls remain the same for each. R2 makes you run/fly faster, X makes you attack with your staff/blaster, square makes you jump, circle activates an item, and so on. Hoping into a vehicle, therefore, doesn't make it feel like you suddenly hopped into an entirely different game as well, allowing for a smooth transition without having to learn a whole new control scheme.<br />
<br />
Along with the action and the adventure elements are the stealth sections. These . . . are interesting.<br />
<br />
Normally, I despise stealth games and anything to do with them. I'm not going to say they were my favorite thing here, either, but I will say that I despised these stealth elements the least of any game I've played so far. Just like the rest of the gameplay, the sneaking around here is very simple. Instead of having it take over huge swaths of the game, each section that requires stealth is usually contained to just a single room. Even if there's a series of several such rooms one after the other, once you get through one of those rooms, you don't have to worry about it again just because you fail in the next room. Failure is not rewarded by snatching away your previous successes. Which is <i>nice</i>. You usually only have to deal with one to three guards as well, and escaping is as easy as running into another room. The Alphas and the DomZ are apparently of the "out of sight, out of mind" mentality and don't spend more than a couple of seconds searching for you before resetting to their regular guard behavior.<br />
<br />
And in the end, there are only a few sections where stealth is <i>absolutely</i> mandatory. Most of the time, if you either run out of patience or have an overabundance of bravery, you can run right on out and try to have a go with the guards face to face. It some ways it much more difficult than sneaking past (them guards is tough dudes), but in others it's pretty satisfying almost to the point of being cathartic. So the game typically doesn't punish you for wanting to play it as a straight action adventure game. Which is also <i>nice</i>.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Challenge</u></b><br />
<i>Eeeeeeaaaaasyyyyyyyyy</i>.<br />
<br />
There were only a very few parts that felt more than a little challenging, and most of those were only tough until I figured out whatever simple trick there was to it. Most of the enemies pose little problem, falling quickly under Jade's whirling staff. The stealth sections never reach anything even close to thinking about possibly approaching <i>Metal Gear</i> level. The races - racing being something I hate even more than sneaking games, by the way - are laughably easy to beat. Even the extra special bonus stuff is no big thing. I collected all of the animals and pearls in the game as well as all of the Mdisks save one without even really trying hard. Well, for the most part, anyway. The last couple of animals gave me a short-lived fit, but it only took a few minutes to figure it out in the end.<br />
<br />
BG&E definitely strikes me as something for the casual gamer, difficulty-wise. In fact, with all the other good things going for it, it would make an excellent introduction to the video gaming scene for people who had never picked up a controller before.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Sights</u></b><br />
Based on the name and the way people seem to salivate ever so slightly over this game, I've long held this image in my head of this massive, epic game with impressively stark settings and tough looking characters showing how gritty they are by having grimacing contests in seedy bars.<br />
<br />
Imagine my surprise, then, when I plop the game into my PS2 and find that it's basically a action adventure Saturday morning cartoon. Main character Jade herself is at least somewhat realistically portrayed, but almost everyone else in the game has the exaggerated proportions of a cartoon character and/or is an anthropomorphic animal. Much of the setting is beautiful European-style architecture, and even the grimmest and grittiest parts of the game are pretty brightly lit.<br />
<br />
Not that this is bad! No no no, perish the thought. The story itself was also lighter than I expected, and the imagery suits it quite well. BG&E is very visually appealing, and its aesthetic of bright and vibrant with just an undercurrent of darkness fits perfectly. The characters are all well designed and memorable. Even if their personalities hadn't been as well defined as they were, I would have been able to easily tell them apart and tell who was who based on their looks alone.<br />
<br />
This is a very pretty game packed with a great amount of detail, and it's great that the main character carries a camera around, 'cause you'll be wanting to take pictures of <i>every</i> damn thing in the game. Heck, even the in-game password system has a delightful design, both functionally and graphically.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Sounds</u></b><br />
I started grooving the second the music started and continued to groove all the way to the end of the credits. The music in this game is, in one word, <i>phenomenal</i>. The rest of BG&E be damned, if there's any one reason to go out and buy your own copy, it's the soundtrack. I guarantee I will have "Propaganda" at the very least stuck in my head for the next week solid.<br />
<br />
The voice acting is top notch as well. Half of what makes Pey'j and Double H such great sidekicks is not just their dialogue, but the way in which that dialogue is delivered with such absolute gusto. Secundo's weirdness aside, everyone did an exemplary job.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Bottom Line</u></b><br />
As I mentioned before, BG&E has something of a cult following, and the latest announcement of BG&E2 being on its way has sent quite a few folks into a frantic fervor. While I am not exactly frothing at the mouth or anything, I do find myself greatly looking forward to the sequel. If it's even half as good as this game, it will be well worth picking up.<br />
<br />
And ladies and gentlemen, <i>Beyond Good & Evil</i> is indeed beyond good. It has a few black marks (too easy, Secundo needs to go away-o), but those are more than made up for by tight gameplay, beautiful graphics, wonderful characters, the beginnings of what looks to be a stellar story, and an absolutely <i>rocking</i> soundtrack. This is a great game, and I highly recommend it.Roland 'Jim' Loweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01798414712731436844noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678596971079093894.post-16278146513940355222010-06-24T14:42:00.000-05:002010-06-24T14:42:35.494-05:00Fun: College Humor Mario<object type="application/x-shockwave-flash" data="http://www.collegehumor.com/moogaloop/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=1935593&fullscreen=1" width="640" height="360" ><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true"/><param name="wmode" value="transparent"/><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"/><param name="movie" quality="best" value="http://www.collegehumor.com/moogaloop/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=1935593&fullscreen=1"/><embed src="http://www.collegehumor.com/moogaloop/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=1935593&fullscreen=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="640" height="360" allowScriptAccess="always"></embed></object><br />
<br />
My game controller is on the blink at the moment and there's not much going on in old school gaming news that I'm aware of, so y'all get some more entertaining videos. Hooray!<br />
<br />
Fun stuff website <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/">College Humor</a> has been doing a series of Mario-related videos as of late, all of them more or less hilarious. The above is just a sample . . . check out <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1824771">Bowser's Minions</a>, <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1928753">Sonic and Mario's Awkward Reunion</a>, <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1918367">Mario and Princess Sex Tape</a>, <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1912670">Luigi Finally Snaps</a>, and <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1937585">The Problem with Warp Whistles</a> for the full Mario awesomeness.Roland 'Jim' Loweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01798414712731436844noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678596971079093894.post-85056448894409250162010-06-23T15:28:00.002-05:002010-06-23T15:28:34.707-05:00Fun: We Never Get the Cool Ads Over Here<embed id=VideoPlayback src=http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?docid=5206257500748953004&hl=en&fs=true style=width:400px;height:326px allowFullScreen=true allowScriptAccess=always type=application/x-shockwave-flash> </embed><br />
<br />
And they defeated Ganon with the power of DANCE!Roland 'Jim' Loweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01798414712731436844noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678596971079093894.post-56579863291276917932010-06-22T13:16:00.000-05:002010-06-22T13:16:18.895-05:00Fun: We Are Not Time TravelersBut what if we were? Sure, we could go back and kill Hitler or become our own grandparents, but those are pretty pedestrian paradoxes with little in the way of personal profit. So what would graphics designer <a href="http://www.alexvaranese.com/">Alex Varanese</a> do with the awesome power of temporal displacement?<br />
<br />
Well, perhaps you'd better just <a href="http://www.behance.net/Gallery/ALT1977-WE-ARE-NOT-TIME-TRAVELERS/545221">see for yourself</a>.<br />
<br />
WARNING: May be more awesome than you can handle.Roland 'Jim' Loweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01798414712731436844noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678596971079093894.post-8883409237003218442010-06-22T01:30:00.009-05:002010-07-10T23:04:59.113-05:00Night Trap<div align="center"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v608/esn1g/Reviews/nighttrap_segacd01.jpg"></div><br />
<u>Platform</u>: Sega CD<br />
<u>Developer</u>: Digital Pictures<br />
<u>Released</u>: 1992<br />
<u>Genre</u>: Interactive Movie<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Game</u></b><br />
Something strange is going on at the Martins' residence. There have been reports of people going missing, including five young girls who were staying at the Martins' overnight. In response to the disappearances, the - oh, brother - <i>Sega</i> Control Attack Team, or - aw, come <i>on</i> - "SCAT" for short, has been sent in to figure out what's going on. And what's going on is that there's these weird ass blood-drinking mutant things called "augers" that are kidnapping people and draining their blood with these devices that look kind of like pesticide sprayers hooked up to the crappy (if amusing) <a href="http://www.inandoutgifts.com/proddetail.php?prod=6130-12">robot claw toys</a> moms buy their kids to shut 'em up. As a member of - ugh - SCAT, your job is to monitor the house through hidden cameras and activate traps to capture augers and save the latest batch of girly girls the Martins have lured.<br />
<br />
<i>Night Trap</i> is one of the earliest games in a very short-lived genre sometimes known as "trap 'em up", as well as one of the first console games to include live-action video footage. It's main claim to fame, however, was its involvement in the series of congressional hearings at the time regarding video game violence that led to the creation of the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Entertainment_Software_Rating_Board">ESRB</a>. Like most such hearings, the jabs against <i>Night Trap</i> were largely overreactions, misinterpretations, taken out of context, or simply invented from whole cloth.<br />
<br />
Though I didn't remember the name of the game itself, the big "damning" scene where a girl wearing a nighty is dragged away by augers as their hook thing drains her blood was one that I saw on the news when they were reporting the hearings, and it was the big reason I decided to try the game out. I'm a sucker for controversy.<br />
<br />
And for girls in short night gowns getting dragged off by bloodthirsty monsters. Hubba hubba.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Characters</u></b><br />
You are the main character of the game, the voiceless, faceless member of SCAT who gets to stare at video feeds all night in the vain hope of catching some augers off guard so you can pummel them into submission with the many booby traps littering the Martin homestead. Rather than give you a name or any kind of characterization, all of the characters in the game just call you "Control".<br />
<br />
The leader of SCAT is Lieutenant Simms, a mean man who yelled at me a lot and broke my controller on multiple occasions. He said it had something to do with me not being up for the job, but I think he was really just disappointed that I wasn't an omniscient and omnipresent god among mortals, capable of seeing the future and thus living up to his impossibly high standards of what a real man is supposed to be.<br />
<br />
Kelly (or Kelli, or Keli, depending on which version of the game you're playing, apparently) is an undercover agent of SCAT played by the late <i>Diff'rent Strokes</i> actress Dana Plato. She infiltrates the Martins' residence by posing as one of the girls that were invited to stay for the weekend (or night, or whatever . . . honestly, I'm not sure how long they were supposed to be there or even why) and runs around the house looking for clues while you get to do all the <i>real</i> work.<br />
<br />
There's the Martins themselves, a pack of vampires who deliver blood to the local community of augers as part of their "charity work", getting said blood from locals and transients they lure into their home. It was they who set up all the traps in the house in order to catch those unwary victims more easily. To give you the short rundown of each family member, there's the father Victor (wannabe French/Italian/whatever douchebag), mother Sheila (MILF straight out of a daytime soap opera), daughter Sarah (creepy bad actress with enormous gums), son Jeff (whiny teeth brusher), and cousin Tony (wooden lump).<br />
<br />
All of the Martins are bad actors with poorly written lines and motivations, but Tony really takes the blood cake. He has the exact personality of a fence post, which I guess is his attempt to seem like a "bad dude" with a "rude 'tude", but all he really manages is to come off looking like he forgot his lines but he doesn't want anybody to know. He just sort of stands there with the same expression through the whole game no matter what he's doing, from talking about how they should change the security code on the traps to talking about how he's going to zap the shit out of Kelly with his <i>vampiric lightning powers</i> (I'm not making this up) and then suck all her blood.<br />
<br />
He's the only member of the Martin family that seems to have a character arc, but it doesn't make any damn sense whatsoever. He's just as ready as the rest of the bunch to suck and/or drain the blood out of every last college-aged girl that comes into the house, but he starts to have doubts because one of the girls just happens to look 100% exactly like some other girl. Who this other girl is exactly is never clearly defined. Or even muddily defined. His long-dead girlfriend? His long-dead sister? His long-dead hairstylist? You got me.<br />
<br />
Anyway, he tries to warn the girls away toward the end of the game, and then almost just as quickly tries the zap-and-snack on Kelly I mentioned. As he's slowly coming after her up the stairs, Kelly yells at control to trap him, and inexplicably Tony smirks (the only other facial expression he has, it seems) and says something to the effect of, "You really think they're gonna do it?" I'm pretty sure that the people who made <i>Night Trap</i> fully expected the player at this point to actually yell out, "HELL YAH I'M GONNA DO IT! YOU'RE TRAPPED, SUCKAH!" I didn't say that, however. I said, "Uh . . . why <i>wouldn't</i> I do it?" I dunno, did Tony try to bribe me in some deleted scene that I didn't see? I hate the guy. Not because he's an evil vampire or whatever, but because he's a horrible actor, and it would have given me nothing but the greatest pleasure to have sent him spiraling into each and every trap in that house over and over and over again.<br />
<br />
Anyway, there's some other characters running around, but frankly, just thinking about them is depressing me. The short version is there's an extremely strange neighbor appropriately named Weird Eddie who built ray guns and inexplicably disappears about halfway through the game, a bunch of idiotic, ineffectual, and borderline offensive members of SCAT who all bungle things to almost epic proportions, the five girls who are staying at the house, and Danny, younger brother to one of the girls. He's the first to spot the augers, and he gets a ray gun from Eddie and his final scene is just a copy/paste job of one of his earlier scenes in which he screams and runs out the back door while being chased by augers.<br />
<br />
The only one of these mostly-forgettable people that held my interest even momentarily was Megan, played by Christy Ford in apparently her only acting role ever. She was one of the few actors in the game that didn't seem to be taking the whole thing seriously in the slightest, which really worked. Her performance was over the top crazy and I felt she brought more personality to the show than all the rest of the actors combined.<br />
<br />
It's just a shame that she couldn't also make up for all the rest of the actors combined. That much outpouring of over-the-topness would have caused even the sturdiest individual to explode.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Writing</u></b><br />
MY BRAINS<br />
<br />
THEY ARE LEAKING OUT OF MY HEAD<br />
<br />
SEND HELP<br />
<br />
<i>Night Trap</i> is by no means an A-list movie. It's not a B movie. Nor a C, a D, or any other letter. The script for this terrible, rotten, no-good piece of crap shot straight past Z grade and just kept on tunneling. I don't know if I can even talk about it. I'm starting to dry heave just thinking of the tortured dialogue, the unfunny "jokes", the nonsensical storyline, and the gaping plotholes.<br />
<br />
But I'll try to pick out a few especially horrific parts.<br />
<br />
<i>Sega</i> Control Attack what the fuck ever. I've read that they changed this first word to "Special" for ports to other systems, but that doesn't change the fact that for this version it was <i>SEGA CONTROL ATTAAARRRGH</i>. That damn Lt. Simms even held up a Sega Genesis controller from time to time! And it said "Sega Genesis" right on it, just like a real controller! Why would they do something so completely and utterly stupid?! What happened here, Sega?! I used to think you were cool!<br />
<br />
And as bad as that is, regardless of what the S stood for, the abbreviation is "SCAT" either way. I mean look, guys, I understand that you probably meant it as the "shoo, go on, get out of here" kind of "scat" and as a wordplay on SWAT, but if you're going to be making a shitty game, then you probably don't want to have an organization with a name that is also another word for "shit".<br />
<br />
The vampires have lightning powers.<br />
<br />
Tony wears sunglasses throughout the entire thing. This, I think we're led to believe, is because his eyes glow. But the thing is, <i>all</i> of the vampires have glowing eyes. And just like them, Tony's eyes don't glow <i>all</i> the time. So why does he continuously wear the sunglasses and act like it's important that he keeps them on?<br />
<br />
The vampires have teleporting powers, yet somehow the traps are able to hold them and they aren't able to catch up with a normal bunch of girls running away from them. They also have lightning powers.<br />
<br />
After characters have served their purpose, they just seem to run off into the wilderness and disappear forever. While in some cases that's not such a big deal, in at least three it makes even less sense: Lisa (who shimmies out a window, completely deserting her little brother), Danny (who ditches out in the aforementioned copy/past of an earlier scene, despite the fact that as far as he knows he's deserting his big sister, and even though before that he was totally gung ho about taking on the augers), and Weird Eddie (who goes downstairs with a ray gun and an auger disguise, but then is never heard from again).<br />
<br />
Sheila gets knocked over onto a bed by one of the traps and then has time to have a conversation with Victor about it before the bed lifts up and catapults her out of the house or wherever. Thank goodness she couldn't have just, I don't know, <i>stood up from the bed she was merely sitting on</i> or anything in the five or six seconds in between!<br />
<br />
THE VAMPIRES HAVE LIGHTNING POWERS. And they don't even use them! Tony and Jeff just kinda shoot lightning out of their hands a couple of times. Why? Just because they can, I guess, because they never actually hit anything, and most of the time they aren't even aiming it at anyone!<br />
<br />
And I'm really wondering whether Victor's line of "THE WALL TRAP! AAAAAAAAAH!!!" was actually scripted, or just an imaginative ad lib on the part of the actor. Either way, it was terrible and both he and the writers should be ashamed of themselves.<br />
<br />
Oh yah, and the vampires have lightning powers.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Gameplay</u></b><br />
You, as Control, have access to the series of hidden cameras and traps strewn throughout the house. You can switch the camera feed between the various rooms, but you can only look in on one room at a time. When nothing is going on in that room, the feed is a static picture display. When something <i>is</i> going on, the something is typically split into two different types: plot relevant scenes and auger capturing scenes. In the plot scenes, the various people in the house are moving around, going about their business, giving exposition, or just having some fun or doing work. Sometimes these are just transitive scenes as people walk from one room to the other on their way somewhere specific.<br />
<br />
The other scene type is the meat of the game. The augers occasionally get into the house and lurk around, looking for tender morsels to capture and drain, and from time to time one or two of these monsters will step in the range of a trap. A trap meter resides on your control console, running from green to yellow to red, telling you when to strike. If you hit the trap button when the meter is in the red, then you've caught yourself an auger and are treated to a quick scene of them getting sucked into the trap. If you don't, they continue on their despicable way.<br />
<br />
On rare occasion, you can capture good guys in the traps. Doing this gets you an immediate game over as Lt. Simms appears, bitches you out, and breaks your controller. He'll also snap it like a Slim Jim if too many augers get away from you.<br />
<br />
Some few scenes close to the midpoint of the game and more often toward the end are combination plot and capture scenes in which one of the girls is threatened by augers. If you don't manage to capture one or two of the augers, allowing the girl to escape, then the girl is instead captured and drilled for precious, delicious blood, and then Simms pops up to tear into your shit again.<br />
<br />
To operate any of these traps, you have to have the proper security code, which is one of a set of colors. The game always starts set at Blue, and then during preset times the code is changed to a different randomly selected color. If you don't switch your access to the new color, then none of the traps will work no matter how hard or often you press that button.<br />
<br />
The changing color code is the first problem I'll be addressing in the cavalcade of horrors that is <i>Night Trap</i>'s system. The code change happens during specific plot scenes, and if you don't get to the right room at the right time to listen in on the conversation regarding which color it's been set to, you're just shit out of luck. You have to randomly change your access code, try to find some augers, and try it out. If it works, hooray, you guessed right! If it doesn't, oh well, better luck with the next color. And you better hope you get it figured out before they change the code again, too many augers slip through your grasp, or one of the girls gets dragged off by the foul beasties.<br />
<br />
So how do you know when the code is being changed? Well, that's the thing . . . unless you've happened across the scene in a previous playthrough and written down the time and place it was changed, you don't. It's entirely trial and error, restarting the game every time you learn of a new change time. And since the code change is randomly determined, you <i>have</i> to be sure you get to the scene in time, because you can't just write down a list of specific color changes.<br />
<br />
This problem is endemic of the entire game, unfortunately. You never know exactly when a plot scene is going to be popping up unless you happened across it in an earlier playthrough and made a note of it. The only indication that an auger is near a trap is a popping noise accompanied by the count of possible captures on your console bumping up a notch or two. This does not, however, tell you <i>where</i> the augers are, so once again unless you already know from a previous playthrough, you have to search through all the rooms and hope you luck upon the correct one before the augers can slink away. And since your window of opportunity to capture them is mere seconds at most after you hear the pops, slinking away unharmed is usually what they do.<br />
<br />
Also problematic is that plot relevant scenes will often play simultaneously not only with the auger capture scenes but with each other as well. This starts from the very beginning and continues virtually unabated throughout the entire game. A plot scene involving Sarah Martin starts playing right from time 00:00, starting in the bedroom and ending in the bathroom at time 00:24. At 00:02, <i>two freaking seconds</i> after the plot starts, an auger capture sequence starts in another room. And another one starts at 00:20 in the bedroom just as Sarah leaves. So if you try to pay attention to the capture scenes, you miss the plot scenes. If you try to pay attention to the plot scenes, you miss the capture scenes.<br />
<br />
Now in this case, the plot scene isn't really all that important. It shows there's something not quite right with Sarah and that there are secret doors and passages in the house, but both of those points are shown many times over throughout the game, so you can catch onto it pretty quick. But it does the same thing over and over and over again after that during plot scenes that <i>are</i> important if you're to follow exactly what's going on. And capturing augers is definitely the more important of the two scene types since you get a game over if you don't capture enough of them, leading the player to miss tons of exposition and action elsewhere in the house.<br />
<br />
Now given what I've already said about the story being just absolutely putrid, this might seem like a good thing. But really, even though they totally sucked at writing the story and acting it out, they did still take the time to write it and film it. One of the big boasts <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Night_Trap_Cover.jpg">on the box art itself</a> was that the game contained around one and a half hours worth of video. We the players might be glad to be spared all the lifeless acting, terrible dialogue, and weak action/horror, but why in the world would the people who <i>made</i> the damn game go to lengths to make sure almost all of their hard work would slide by unseen? What sort of sadistic bastards would make it virtually impossible to sort out their already nearly incomprehensible plot in even multiple playthroughs? It's like they're standing there going, "Ooooh, you want to watch this movie, don't you? But oh, dear, I'm sorry, we're only going to let you have a few glimpses now again because right now you need to sort out all of these rusty, handle-less knives right over here without any hand protection. Maybe when you've finished doing that, we'll let you have a peek!" And then when you <i>do</i> get your peek, what little you <i>do</i> understand about what's going on is complete shit!<br />
<br />
So, in order to play the game, you're more or less forced to sit down and write up a list of all the different things that are happening around the house and when they occur. You then use this list to progress through the game until you get to a new section, then start listing the events that happen there as well. You have to play through the same beginning sections over and over and over again, watching each room one by one and writing down what happens until you finally get shut down by Lt. Sucks. In other games, your continued progression is generally based on getting better at the game, becoming more skilled at controlling your character and directing your attacks. In this game, skill has nothing to do with it whatsoever, unless you count "pressing a button when the game tells you to" as a skill. Instead, your character is pretty much just using a time machine to go back to the past with the knowledge they have gained in the future to proceed.<br />
<br />
And even when you've got all the events listed, you still have to do multiple playthroughs in order to see all the different plot scenes that are happening simultaneously, then even further, in order to see the actual ending of the game, you have to do a <i>perfect game</i>, capturing every auger and vampire in the game and saving every girl without fail. This means that in order to see the real end of the story, you have to ignore almost <i>all the other story scenes before it!</i><br />
<br />
Who does this sort of thing?! Who?! And <i>why</i> would they do it?! Do they just hate us?! Did the people at Digital Pictures simply decide they hated video game players and then created the most awkward, idiotic, counter-intuitive gameplay mechanics ever devised just to make us suffer?!<br />
<br />
WHY?!<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Challenge</u></b><br />
I eventually decided to pull up a walkthrough for <i>Night Trap</i> so I could play through a perfect game. Even with the list telling me exactly where to be and when, I got a game over because my nose started to itch just as the second girl-threatened-by-augers scene popped up and I thought, "Surely I'm fast enough to scratch and be back at the trap button in time to save this hot, nubile young lady!"<br />
<br />
No, I wasn't, and all the work I'd put into the perfect game was gone in a flash.<br />
<br />
Even if the gameplay section above doesn't tell you everything you need to know about the bullshit challenge presented by <i>Night Trap</i>, just remember that I had a walkthrough for the <i>perfect game</i>, and I still utterly failed just because I wasn't fast enough to press the trap button in the half-second window provided by the game. All because my nose started itching.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Sights</u></b><br />
I vaguely remember hearing that Sega CD games had a reputation for being a little on the ugly side, and I really should have been prepared from the choppy graphics I'd already seen on the Saturn years back, but <i>dah-yumn</i> this game is <i>uuuuuuh-glee!!!</i> In order to compress the game down to where all the video would fit on the CD, it looks like they just beat it with an ugly stick until enough pieces were smashed off, allowing them to crowbar in what was left. So on top of having a story that starts off barely coherent and gameplay that ensures you barely get to see anything of relevance to the plot, you've got an impenetrable fog of video that would make Zapruder blush with shame.<br />
<br />
<i>Night Trap</i>'s big claim to fame is the controversy started over a scene where a girl in a somewhat revealing nighty gets attacked by some augers before getting dragged off to be drained of her blood good and proper. To be honest, this was the <i>only</i> reason that I decided to give this game a chance, 'cause if there's anyone willing and ready to watch a scantily clad girl get dragged off by monsters, it's me. But when I finally got to the scene, it was not only compressed down to the point where I had trouble figuring out which unsightly blob of color was supposed to be the hot chick, it was also <i>plumb damn ridiculous</i>.<br />
<br />
The nightgown isn't really all that revealing, and was even slightly <i>less</i> so than some of the regular outfits the other girls were wearing. And not to hurt the poor actress' feelings or anything, but she was the one that I would have <i>least</i> wanted to see in a nighty. Not to say she wasn't attractive (she was, in an 80's richy bitch sort of way), but still, comparatively.<br />
<br />
Also, the augers are just guys wearing black full-body clothing, their blood draining devices look like toys, and the most menacing thing they do is kind of hop around like idiot monkeys. Further, there's the Z-grade acting and shoestring budget "traps" that wouldn't be able to capture a . . . well, an <i>anything</i>, much less those weirdo vampire wannabes. All put together, it was like trying to watch a scrambled porn channel, and it isn't even good porn.<br />
<br />
It's an awful looking game with stupid looking traps and moronic looking bad guys in idiotic looking costumes with pathetic looking equipment.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Sounds</u></b><br />
Fortunately the audio isn't quite as compressed as the video, but it still ain't really pretty. The popping noise that warns of auger incursion is repetitive and annoying. And having to listen to the "acting" is enough to make anyone's ears bleed.<br />
<br />
The <i>Night Trap</i> song played during the party scene is kinda catchy, however.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Bottom Line</u></b><br />
Since I didn't actually finish the game (not even with the walkthrough) and had almost nothing positive to say about <i>Night Trap</i>, I had originally planned to relegate it to a spot in one of my Short 'n' Sour triple reviews. But as I started to write, I found that while everything I had to say was sour, it was in no way short. So I did some more research, started compiling my thoughts on the game more thoroughly, and decided to go with the full hate-a-thon you just read. This is hands down the worst game that I've reviewed so far, I honestly think it may be the worst game I've ever played, and I earnestly believe it may be the worst game ever devised by anyone anywhere ever, and I just had to share my pain with the rest of the world.<br />
<br />
But strangely, one of the reasons it's so bad is because I <i>want</i> it to be good. I think that there may have been a real possibility for a good game here, it's just that Digital Pictures went about making it in the most ham-fisted and wrong-headed way possible. The fixes for their broken system would mostly be quite simple to implement, even on the primitive Sega CD system. Having already played <i>Double Switch</i>, which is another, later Digital Pictures game with the same setup, I've seen that they'd come up with one or two of those fixes on their own (such as alerting you to what rooms exactly are being broken into), but it still left a lot of other stuff broken. And that's one of the most infuriating things about all of this . . . DP just seemed to have absolutely no idea what to do with the very genre of games that they helped create and mold.<br />
<br />
Sadly, whatever good ideas <i>Night Trap</i> may have contained were all buried under huge piles of manure, never again to see the light of day. And then the Senate hearings regarding video game violence as well as the awful, horrible quality of the games in the trap 'em up genre overall pretty much made sure those ideas would remain buried forever, only cropping up every once in a while as crappy DVD games in the extras section of kid's movies.<br />
<br />
If you ever get the chance to play this game, don't take it. Just drop the disks, smash them if you can, and then run far, far away. You may think you want to play it just to see how bad it could possibly be, but I assure you, you don't want to do that. If you've just gotta see how bad the acting, writing, and traps are at least, then I'd suggest <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUinUNuM3xk">just checking it out on YouTube</a>. Besides the obvious upside of not having to actually play the game, it's also composited from the PC version and the second edition of the Sega CD version, both of which looked <i>way</i> better than the original. But be warned, I wouldn't recommend watching that, either. The picture quality might be better, but the quality of everything else is just as terrible. It's not even worth watching to make fun of, and I <i>love</i> making fun of bad movies.<br />
<br />
Seriously, this game is the devil. I find it offensive on almost all levels except the ones the US Senate was up in arms about. Avoid at all costs.Roland 'Jim' Loweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01798414712731436844noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678596971079093894.post-53849858350208563192010-06-21T14:12:00.000-05:002010-06-21T14:12:54.200-05:00Fun: One of the Seven Legendary Videos<object type="application/x-shockwave-flash" data="http://www.collegehumor.com/moogaloop/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=1930495&fullscreen=1" width="640" height="360" ><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true"/><param name="wmode" value="transparent"/><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"/><param name="movie" quality="best" value="http://www.collegehumor.com/moogaloop/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=1930495&fullscreen=1"/><embed src="http://www.collegehumor.com/moogaloop/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=1930495&fullscreen=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="640" height="360" allowScriptAccess="always"></embed></object><br />
<br />
You ever play one of those games where you <i>can't</i> rummage through people's houses without them getting all indignant, calling the cops on you, or trying to shoot you themselves? Man, what's up with those games? Don't they know who I am?<br />
<br />
I'M THE CHOSEN ONE, BITCH!Roland 'Jim' Loweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01798414712731436844noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678596971079093894.post-55354003674937336032010-06-21T14:03:00.000-05:002010-06-21T14:03:45.655-05:00Blog: Things Of All SortsI know I only have maybe five or six readers, and I'm not even sure all of them are really paying any attention anymore, but I'm still gonna go ahead and apologize for not posting anything for Sunday. I promised I'd try to get at least one something up every day, and I failed all (five or six) of you miserably. But to be fair, I did have my reasons! One of those reasons is actually a pretty funny story, and the punchline is . . . <i>veeerrrry</i> drunk.<br />
<br />
The other reason is that I'm thinking about taking weekends off from the blog. I've got other things in my life, y'know! And one of those things is actually playing the games that I intend to review for YOTGR. Another is trying to get a new job (horrors!), and yet another is just staring at the wall, contemplating the abyss. Oh, right, and I usually go visit my parents on most Saturdays.<br />
<br />
Still, weekdays I'll be keeping up with YOTGR a bit, and as it's Monday, I'll be getting on posting something entertaining here in a bit.<br />
<br />
But speaking of YOTGR, I'm thinking about changing the name. "Ye Olde-Timey Games Review" was something I just came up with after a few moments of thought when I decided to do this, and while I still kinda like it, it's a bit unwieldy. I think the place needs a punchier sorta name. I'm not sure exactly what kind of punchier sorta name just yet, but I'll hopefully figure something out soon enough.Roland 'Jim' Loweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01798414712731436844noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678596971079093894.post-56740130087366607082010-06-19T00:41:00.000-05:002010-06-19T00:41:04.136-05:00Sonic CD<div align="center"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v608/esn1g/Reviews/sonic_cd01.jpg"></div><br />
<u>Platform</u>: Sega CD<br />
<u>Developer</u>: Sonic Team<br />
<u>Released</u>: 1993<br />
<u>Genre</u>: Platformer<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Game</u></b><br />
For one month every year, the Little Planet, home of the Time Stones, appears over Never Lake. Intent on harnessing the power of the planet and its stones, Dr. Robotnik takes over the place and starts doing his mad scientist thing. Sonic, as the designated hero, zips his way up to Little Planet and starts kicking robot booty.<br />
<br />
<i>Sonic CD</i> (or <i>Sonic the Hedgehog CD</i> when its mama wants to make sure it knows it's in trouble) is the product of an interesting set of circumstances. It was developed by good ol' Sonic Team, the group responsible for making most of the Sonic and Sonic-related games in existence . . . but only <i>part</i> of Sonic Team. Yuji Naka, one of the most prominent members of the team, had himself a fit, grabbed up a bunch of the best and the brightest from Sonic Team, and went over to the US to start working with Sega Technical Institute on developing <i>Sonic the Hedgehog 2</i>. Naoto Oshima, the actual creator of Sonic, took what was left of his team and started developing <i>Sonic CD</i>.<br />
<br />
Originally, the two were supposed to be the same game, but eventually they branched off from one another (quite wildly, I'd say) and became their own thing. So how does the CD side of the equation hold up? Well, let's see.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Characters</u></b><br />
Sonic the Hedgehog is the same rude blue dude as always, the somewhat callous but still heroic figure who beat Robotnik once and aims to do so again. The tools at his disposal are his super speed, his cutting quills, and a new figure-eight extra fast running move that was not in the first <i>Sonic</i> game and has never, to my knowledge, ever been seen again. He just revs up his legs in a figure-eight cycle and then blasts off. Whee!<br />
<br />
Dr. Robotnik is the goofy but still somewhat threatening evil genius bent on dominating all in his path and turning everything and everybody into robots. He appears at the end of the third zone in each area with a new mecha monstrosity with which to smash, slice, crush, or puree Sonic.<br />
<br />
Amy Rose got her introduction here in <i>Sonic CD</i>, though for American audiences she was renamed "Princess Sally", I suppose because Sega thought that American kids wouldn't understand why Sonic would have a love interest that wasn't Sally from the animated <i>Sonic</i> series made by DiC Entertainment. The fact that Sally and Amy look look absolutely nothing alike besides both being female didn't seem to deter them. Anyway, Amy is a young pink hedgehog with a complete and utter crush on Sonic, though Sonic does not return her affection in any way whatsoever. Her entire purpose for being in the game is to follow him around in a couple of the early stages while cartoony hearts float around her head, then get abducted by Metal Sonic.<br />
<br />
And speaking of Metal Sonic, he's Dr. Robotnik's newest creation, a machine shaped like and (almost) as fast as his namesake. He is the primary antagonist in the Stardust Speedway level, in which he and Sonic compete against each other in a deadly race.<br />
<br />
Besides these four, there are the usual array of evil robots trying to drill, saw, spike, or beat Sonic to death and - if you save them from a nasty Metal Sonic hologram - a bunch of happy, peace loving animals that bounce about the screen, forcing the player to consider if those mushrooms they ate just before starting the game had gone bad.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Writing</u></b><br />
What writing there is I cannot fault. It's a pretty interesting setting . . . a tiny world in temporal flux. Sadly much of the rest is pretty much boilerplate. An evil twin (albeit a very cool one), unrequited love, bid to take over the world, so on and so forth. Structuring one entire zone into a race was fairly inventive for the time, tho', so good on 'em for that.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Gameplay</u></b><br />
First off, let me say that I am a complete and total old school <i>Sonic</i> fanboy. The first one I played was <i>Sonic 2</i>, and almost every 2D <i>Sonic</i> I've played has made me quite happy. So it was that I sat down with <i>Sonic CD</i> with the expectation that I was going to have more or less a pretty good time. But . . . I didn't.<br />
<br />
Oh, it was alright, I suppose. There were some interesting ideas going on in the game. But overall I found myself constantly frustrated, and it wasn't until I was almost finished that I realized why.<br />
<br />
See, Sonic - both the character and the game series - is all about <i>speed</i>. Wooshing around like a maniac, grabbing rings and kicking 'bot butt. It really goes without saying, but I'm saying it anyway, and the reason I'm saying it is because <i>Sonic CD isn't about speed</i>.<br />
<br />
It was when I was jumping from an inconveniently situated pit to an inconveniently situated ledge to another inconveniently situated pit et cetera in the Metallic Madness level that I came to this realization. One of the gameplay conceits of the game is that Sonic's temporal state on Little Planet has some leeway. If he touches a lamppost marked "Past" or "Future" and then keeps up his top normal running speed for a certain amount of time without stopping, he will shoot into either the past or the future where the zone layout is a bit different, the enemies are altered (or, in some cases, no longer present at all), and Sonic can make the future better by destroying the robot manufacturing machines in the past, thus eventually going on to get the Good Ending. Because of the need to run without stopping in order to time travel, the stages are built specifically to be a hurdle in this process. Even in areas where there aren't any timeposts nearby, there are little obstacles in the way that will keep Sonic from reaching and maintaining his top speed for very long.<br />
<br />
Thus Sonic in <i>Sonic CD</i> is <i>slow</i>, and my brain rails against the entire concept.<br />
<br />
Now, I like a thinking game as much as the next braniac. I rather enjoy puzzlers, games that test my wits and force me to figure out the optimal positioning to do whatever it is I need to do to proceed. But that's not what I play Sonic for. I don't go to McDonald's for their Chinese food, y'know? So it is that this game in which I have to pick out a good spot for an extended run, clear it of enemies, find a timepost, and hang on to the charge long enough to pull off a temporal jump just so I can go on a scavenger hunt instead of just blast through from beginning to end doesn't feel like a <i>Sonic</i> game at all. The entire gameplay mechanic has been toppled by a new paradigm of level design built to accommodate a new story element, and it bothers me.<br />
<br />
I understand, of course, that this was actually very early in the game and it wasn't known at the time that <i>Sonic 2</i> would pretty much forever place its stamp on all future <i>Sonic</i> titles, pushing the whole speed thing even further, perhaps even to ludicrous levels. Maybe if I had played <i>Sonic 1</i> first and then went straight to <i>Sonic CD</i>, I would have been able to handle the change and even come to prefer it. But things didn't happen that way and I'm looking back at the game from the standpoint of being used to Sonic moving so damn fast that he <i>leaves the screen</i> at times because the camera simply can't keep up.<br />
<br />
But I think you all get the point, so I'll stop harping on it. Instead, I'll go on to say that the temporal jumping <i>is</i> rather nifty and I found myself trying to make the leaps even when I didn't actually do anything ending-altering with it. The music and scenery changes enacted by those leaps made it worthwhile enough for me.<br />
<br />
I also found the shrink ray areas in the last stage to be absolutely delightful. Running around as teeny tiny Sonic was both a blast and utterly hilarious. I kind of wish they'd had those rays in more areas of the game.<br />
<br />
While I may not have enjoyed Sonic's new paradigm, I totally dug Robotnik's. Instead of just finding different ways to wail on him, you have to instead find different ways of getting to where you can wail on him. Eh . . . that sentence might not make too much sense right now, but you'll get it when you actually play the game. Just trust me, it's interesting.<br />
<br />
I also liked the special stages, though I was a bit rubbish at it at first. I finally got the hang of it and got my first Time Stone, however, so yay me!<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Challenge</u></b><br />
Even though they slowed things down a bit and put more environmental dangers in the way (hell, I'd say 75% or more of the game was entirely environmental dangers with only a handful of 'bots thrown into each level just to make things interesting), it's still a <i>Sonic</i> game in many other ways, and I've been playing those for more than half my life. I pretty much blasted right through it, with only the last stage giving me any sort of real trouble. Relative <i>Sonic</i> newbies might find it a bit harder, but not terribly so, I don't think.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Sights</u></b><br />
I read somewhere that <i>Sonic CD</i> was one of the only games on the Sega CD that looked worth a damn, and now that I've played a couple of other Sega CD games, I can definitely see where they're coming from. The game doesn't really try anything fancy (most of it would look right at home on the Genesis), and where it does it keeps the fanciness pretty understated. The result is deceptively simple, hiding subtle beauty wherever you look.<br />
<br />
Once again I praise the special stages, and I was almost shocked at just how good their pseudo-3D look came off. Also wonderfully done were the animated sections at the beginning and the end of the game. Very reminiscent of animation in the Sonic OAV from way back, and I'm kind of curious now whether or not it was made by the same people. Not curious enough to actually look it up, mind.<br />
<br />
If there's one place this game does not disappoint, it's in the looks area.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Sounds</u></b><br />
Dreams Come True, the composers of the music from the first two <i>Sonic</i> games, has spoiled me. Every bit of music in the series gets compared against the masterpiece that is the <i>Sonic 2</i> soundtrack especially . . . but this does hold up well on its own rights. I liked the main theme - <i>Sonic Boom</i> by Pastiche - especially and may be playing it every once in a while and humming it to myself in the shower.<br />
<br />
I've come to understand that the soundtrack I heard while playing the game isn't the original, and that there was some big hullabaloo over the change when it was first released over here in the states. I might end up joining the haters if I ever hear the original Japanese soundtrack, but for now I'm quite happy with what we got myself.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Bottom Line</u></b><br />
I want to like this game. I really really do. But I just can't get over my own preconceived notions of what a <i>Sonic</i> game is and isn't supposed to be. If it were something completely different, like a fighting game or an RPG, then maybe it wouldn't be a problem, but it's just too close to a regular title in the series for me to not see the differences.<br />
<br />
Still, it's a gorgeous game, the music's pretty cool, and there are some few gameplay changes that I <i>can</i> get behind, so I'm gonna grade this one "well above average". I did beat the game but haven't gotten the Good Ending yet, and I find myself not entirely disgusted with the idea of giving a Good Ending run another try later on.Roland 'Jim' Loweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01798414712731436844noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678596971079093894.post-17217007849082380742010-06-19T00:37:00.000-05:002010-06-19T00:37:13.479-05:00Short 'n' Sour - Kid Icarus, Golden Axe (Genesis), and Dragon's Lair (Sega CD)Hello and welcome to the first installment of a new feature here at YOTGR . . . the Short 'n' Sour review. See, as much as I love old games, there are some that I simple just can't stand. It may be a long standing hate rooted in many many many <i>many</i> hours wasted sitting in front of a TV, computer, or arcade machine as I tried to plug my way through a game that was either unforgivingly difficult, poorly written, buggier than a roach motel, had a frustrating gameplay mechanic, or was otherwise Just Plain BAD. Or it could be a new hate, a fresh loathing for some bit of video game scum that I had somehow managed to avoid, be it through luck or purposeful deselection, until the day I foolishly decided to try and play it with intentions on reviewing it.<br />
<br />
Either way, as I will almost always have only horrible, nasty, soul scarring things to say about games I absolutely despise and probably haven't ended up playing them all the way through, I figure making full reviews of them based on annoying fragments to be a waste of time and not entirely indicative of the game as a whole. Instead I intend to lambaste them in as few words as I can, and not even give them the dignity of having a post all to their own, having to share each SnS entry with two other horrible, soul crushing games.<br />
<br />
I will most likely step on more than a few toes with some of my SnS reviews, as there will undoubtedly be some classic favorites out there that I shall cruelly and heartlessly toss into the garbage as if they were naught but dry turds scraped off the bottom of my boots. I may make some enemies. I may get some death threats. But my hate shall not be denied! FEEL MY HATE!<br />
<br />
Are you seated comfortably?<br />
<br />
Then let's begin.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Kid Icarus</span><br />
<br />
<u>Platform</u>: Nintendo Entertainment System<br />
<u>Developer</u>: Nintendo R&D1<br />
<u>Released</u>: 1987<br />
<u>Genre</u>: Platformer<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Game</u></b><br />
You're an angel (or something) named Pit, and you're trying to defeat the goddess of darkness, Medeusa.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Good</u></b><br />
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. This game has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. If you like it then you are a bad person and you should feel bad.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Bad</u></b><br />
You've played Super Mario Bros., right? You know how hard the eighth world of that game is? Well, just imagine that the very first level was as hard as that one, and every level after that is also that hard. That is what Kid Icarus is like. Teeny tiny platforms, monsters that take forever to kill because they're immune to your shots half the time, a hero character who's sloppy control makes it seem like he's on ice all the time, rooms that serve no purpose or offer you items that you can only afford if you've spend at least half an hour farming hearts in one spot, an insta-death pit that's always at the bottom of the screen even where you absolutely <i>know</i> you just left a platform that would make it only a two inch drop at most, etc. etc. etc. I only (barely) made it to the second level before quitting in disgust.<br />
<br />
Having played so many NES games, I'm pretty much inured to the completely featureless black background, but I'm going to bitch about it anyway because I'm bitter. I know Pit is supposed to be in the Underworld or whatever, but bleh. They could have at least tried putting in the hint of a stalactite or stalagmite in there somewhere, right?<br />
<br />
Bad challenge level, bad graphics, bad mythology, bad controls, bad game. And if you win with 100% completion or whatever? Your reward is Pit getting a kiss from the goddess of light? Yah, sure, okay.<br />
<br />
Go to hell, Kid Icarus. You deserve everything the Captain N cartoon did to you.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Golden Axe (Genesis)</span><br />
<br />
<u>Platform</u>: Sega Genesis<br />
<u>Developer</u>: Sega Probe<br />
<u>Released</u>: 1989<br />
<u>Genre</u>: Beat 'em up<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Game</u></b><br />
The evil Death Adder has taken the King of Yuria, the king's daughter, and the fabled Golden Axe hostage and has threatened to destroy all three if the people of Yuria do not accept him as their ruler. Bent on defeating this vile being are a dwarf, a barbarian (named "Ax Battler", I shit you not), and an amazon warrior chick.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Good</u></b><br />
It's definitely a pretty game, I'll give it that. Not quite as good as the arcade version, but a worthy enough port. It's got a hot chick in an armor bikini, and that's all that really matters when it comes to good graphics, right?<br />
<br />
And I suppose the challenge level isn't that bad, <i>except</i> . . .<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Bad</u></b><br />
Oh, you want to constantly try to flank me and take me out from both sides, even going so far as to moving at almost the exact same speed as me so you <i>always</i> stay almost on either side of me unless I take the time to bop one of you assholes one across the noggin? That's fine! But now you wanna start doing that cheap ass run-and-kick move over and over again, especially every time I manage to get on one of the creature mounts for even a second? That's fine, too! 'Cause I'll start doing that bitch shit maneuver right back at you, over and over and over again until the entire game is nothing but seeing who can pull off the dash move first and most often! But don't worry, just for shits and giggles I'll try to hit you with a few normal combo hits until I end up trying to clonk you on the top of the head even though your head is actually about a foot away from where I'm trying to hit, and then you just up and hack at me before I can manage to get my character to stop beating uselessly at the <i>gaht</i>damned air! That's fine!<br />
<br />
<i>That's just fucking fine!</i><br />
<br />
Maybe someday I'll go back and actually finish this one up and give it a full, proper review, but right now all I want to do is strangle one of those little magic potion dropping imps until it shits out its own spleen.<br />
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<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Dragon's Lair (Sega CD)</span><br />
<br />
<u>Platform</u>: Sega CD<br />
<u>Developer</u>: Advanced Microcomputer Systems<br />
<u>Released</u>: 1983<br />
<u>Genre</u>: Interactive Movie<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Game</u></b><br />
WHAT THE-?!<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Good</u></b><br />
HOW DID THAT-?!<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Bad</u></b><br />
<b>FUCK YOU, DON BLUTH!!!</b>Roland 'Jim' Loweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01798414712731436844noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678596971079093894.post-21005241839172469072010-06-18T11:38:00.003-05:002010-06-18T11:47:43.803-05:00Splatterhouse<div align="center"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v608/esn1g/Reviews/splatterhouse_game01.jpg"></div><br />
<u>Platform</u>: TurboGrafx-16<br />
<u>Developer</u>: Namco<br />
<u>Released</u>: 1990<br />
<u>Genre</u>: Beat 'em up<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Game</u></b><br />
Rick and Jennifer, a couple of good ol' university kids, get caught out in a storm and decide to take refuge at the scariest, creepiest, most weirdest private residence in the entire town, West Mansion. Once inside, they are beset upon by numerous monsters who mortally wound Rick and steal away with Jennifer for undoubtedly nefarious purposes. Rick wakes up in the basement of the house some time later, alive thanks to a sentient object known as the Terror Mask (or "Hell Mask", if you live in a non-wussified country), which binds itself to his face and transforms him into a hulking monster. With the power of the mask at his disposal, Rick starts to tear his way through West Mansion and the monsters that inhabit it in search of his girlfriend . . .<br />
<br />
<i>Splatterhouse</i> is the first of a trilogy and the only one of which was on the TurboGrafx-16 Entertainment SuperSystem, with the other two being made for the Sega Genesis. A remake is currently in the works and due out for the PS3 and XBox 360 later this year, and supposedly the remake package will also include all three of the original games.<br />
<br />
Due to the violent nature of the game, a lot of content was either changed or removed outright when it was ported over from Japan. This includes swapping weapons out (a meat cleaver became a 2x4, for instance), toned down violence, and the removal of a few screams, amongst other things. But don't worry, there's still a fair amount of gore and horror to be had.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Characters</u></b><br />
Rick is a university student who nearly gets killed, gets fused with a sentient mask that turns him into a brutal monster, and rips West Mansion a new one.<br />
<br />
Jennifer is Rick's damsel in distress girlfriend. She gets kidnapped by monsters at the beginning of the game.<br />
<br />
Dr. West is a parapsychologist who's been missing for a while, owns West Mansion, and only gets a mention in the backstory. He <i>might</i> be the end boss of the game, but there's really nothing to indicate whether that's true, or if it isn't, what might have actually happened to him. For all we know, the dude's just off having a vacation somewhere, blissfully unaware that his house became a creepy spook joint while he was out.<br />
<br />
The Terror Mask is a self-aware mask that can make people mutate into giant super-strong monsters, and it seems to have plans and motivations of its own, but it's left openended as to what those might be.<br />
<br />
The monsters . . . man, I don't know. Maybe they'll explain it more in the other two games. And even if they don't, it seems that the remake will delve further into the mysteries of the mansion, at least. But as far as this game goes, all that's revealed is that they are monsters and they aren't very nice.<br />
<br />
The characterization is so thin as to be virtually non-existent. The people are more or less just props for the setting.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Writing</u></b><br />
Having the main protagonist also be the main savage monster of the story is a nice spin, but in the end this is basically your standard low-grade horror movie plot. Monsters take girl, hero battles monsters, so on and so forth. There's a minor twist here and there, but nothing too far out there.<br />
<br />
And this is one of those games where that's all it really needs. If more story gets added on in the sequels, that's cool, but this game is more about splattering monsters against the wall than some hoity-toity <i>storyline</i>.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Gameplay</u></b><br />
Pretty straightforward and, in some cases, somewhat disappointing fare. Rick can punch. He can jump. He can kick. He can jump and kick. He picks up the occasional weapon, but they only last for the one level they're picked up on, and they're more just for the cool splatter animations than actual necessities most of the time. There's one, the wrench, that's only found in one spot and can only be used once, as a throwing weapon. Since at that spot in the level there's usually one of the nasty ghoulies right within punching distance anyway, it's fairly pointless to even bother picking the damn thing up.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Challenge</u></b><br />
The game only rarely takes cheap shots, but when it does it can be particularly annoying, especially the ones dealt out by the final boss. Most enemies can be taken out by a single hit as long as you've got a weapon in your hand, and even when you don't have a weapon most of them only need two or three hits at most.<br />
<br />
The main challenge, as with a lot of lazier games of the mid eighties to mid nineties, is remembering where everything is. The baddies only rarely switch up their positions from one run through to another, so making it through any given level without getting hit is just a matter of rote memorization. It's fairly noticeable throughout the rest of the game, but it's most blatant in the very last level where all you have to do is time your jumps over burning logs and your dashes under burning guys as they jump over you. No punches or kicks until you reach the final boss . . . just the simple rigors of an obstacle course.<br />
<br />
The game <i>is</i> pretty challenging, but not for good reasons.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Sights</u></b><br />
Before this, I had never played a game on the TurboGrafx-16 before. To be truthful and to my shame, I was only barely aware that the system even existed at all. But having gotten a look at Splatterhouse, I'm looking forward to getting to know it. The animations are a bit weak (Rick doesn't really <i>jump</i> so much as he <i>stands still and then suddenly launches up in the air without moving his legs at all</i>), but the sprites and backgrounds are pretty well rendered, almost up to the quality of a Genesis game. The splattered forms of the monsters were pretty neat looking, and the entire house was well decked out with a grisly horror feel.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Sounds</u></b><br />
There were a few voice bits in there, which I wasn't really expecting, mostly extremely short phrases from Jennifer. The music was alright, getting across the sort of B horror movie vibe that most of the game seemed to be going for.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Bottom Line</u></b><br />
Eeeeeeeeh . . . I won't say I'm sorry that I played <i>Splatterhouse</i> or anything, but I really just don't feel it offered anything unique or interesting enough in a beat 'em up game. The fact that I know that I got a watered down version of the game is also sort of a turn-off, making it feel just that much blander, as the violence is supposed to be the main draw of the game.<br />
<br />
Overall, it was an average game at best, worth one play through but not any more than that. Hopefully the sequels have some more substance to them, or at least more style. I think I'll also seek out an unfiltered version of the game to see if the changes really made a big difference.Roland 'Jim' Loweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01798414712731436844noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678596971079093894.post-28793406835779078032010-06-17T17:12:00.000-05:002010-06-17T17:12:47.146-05:00News: This Ain't Your Daddy's Space ParanoidsSo, did you guys and gals hear about the new <i>Tron</i> movie coming out sometime around the end of this year? It's called <i>Tron: Legacy</i>, and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9szn1QQfas">here's one of the trailers</a> just in case you don't believe my senile ramblings. Welp, little did I know that my review of <a href="http://yotgr.blogspot.com/2010/06/discs-of-tron.html">Discs of Tron</a> from yesterday was going to end up being somewhat topical, but it seems that the fine people at <a href="http://propagandagames.go.com/">Propaganda Games</a> are working on making a new tie-in video game called <i><b>Tron: Evolution</b></i>. Here, check it out:<br />
<br />
<div align="center"><div style="width: 480px;"><object classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=8,0,0,0" id="gtembed" width="480" height="392"> <param name="allowScriptAccess" value="sameDomain" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="movie" value="http://www.gametrailers.com/remote_wrap.php?mid=700517"/><param name="quality" value="high" /><embed src="http://www.gametrailers.com/remote_wrap.php?mid=700517" swLiveConnect="true" name="gtembed" align="middle" allowScriptAccess="sameDomain" allowFullScreen="true" quality="high" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="480" height="392"></embed> </object><div style="font-size: 10px; font-family: Verdana; text-align: center; width: 480px; padding-top: 2px; padding-bottom: 2px; background-color: black; height: 32px;"></div></div></div><br />
Strangely, I find it somewhat reminiscent of the gameplay in Spider-Man 2 for the PS2, and I'm okay with that. The main attack mechanic at these early stages is the iconic ID disc, which it seems can be upgraded in various ways. I'm holding out hope, however, that you'll eventually be able to pick up different types of weapons as well as you go along. As regards the combat system in all . . . well, it's too early to make any real judgments, but I'm cautiously optimistic.<br />
<br />
<div align="center"><div style="width: 480px;"><object classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=8,0,0,0" id="gtembed" width="480" height="392"> <param name="allowScriptAccess" value="sameDomain" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="movie" value="http://www.gametrailers.com/remote_wrap.php?mid=700519"/><param name="quality" value="high" /><embed src="http://www.gametrailers.com/remote_wrap.php?mid=700519" swLiveConnect="true" name="gtembed" align="middle" allowScriptAccess="sameDomain" allowFullScreen="true" quality="high" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="480" height="392"></embed> </object><div style="font-size: 10px; font-family: Verdana; text-align: center; width: 480px; padding-top: 2px; padding-bottom: 2px; background-color: black; height: 32px;"></div></div></div><br />
This? Wellllll . . . this I'm not so enamored with.<br />
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I love lightcycles, don't get me wrong. Just like every other kid who grew up watching the original <i>Tron</i> film, I found the the lightcycle game to be hypnotically cool. Even as an adult, my fascination with the system continued . . . the geometrical precision of it, the sleek look of the bikes, and the system of elimination of the opposition all made up for an extremely awesome game. I've downloaded and played several version of the lightcycle game, both officially licensed and not, and one of my favorite games on a <i>Tron</i> based MUD that I used to play was the ASCII who-types-the-fastest version of lightcycles.<br />
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But this? This is just a racing game. And I generally despise racing games or anything that has most of the trappings of a racing game. As much as I love the <i>Grand Theft Auto</i> series, I dread the inevitable drag race missions that encrust it like nasty little barnacles. As much as I love <i>Final Fantasy VII</i> for its setting, characters, and whatnot, I hate the motorcycle-riding escape from Midgar that sits at the end of the game's opening act. And now I'm gonna have to go ahead and get all geared up to hate the level (or, goodness forefend, level<i><b>s</b></i>) of <i>Tron: Evolution</i> indicated in this video.<br />
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One of the greatest parts of the lightcycle arena was the claustrophobic feel it evoked, a feeling which became more and more prominent as the game went on and the field grew ever smaller and more cut off as a winding maze of light trails were laid down. Racing along in a single direction with no sharp right-angle turns and apparently very little chance that you'll hit enemy light trails for any serious amount of damage . . . well, it just takes all the fun out of it.<br />
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That said, it <i>is</i> at least consistent with what can be seen of the lightcycle race shown in <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5y-7-Mt6uYk">this <i>Tron: Legacy</i> trailer</a>, but honestly all that really does is make me more pessimistic about the movie as well.<br />
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Still! As I said, cautiously optimistic. I might have preferred a direct remake of <i>Discs of Tron</i>, but I suppose I can give <i>Tron: Evolution</i> the benefit of a doubt for now. (<i><a href="http://www.gametrailers.com/game/tron-evolution/12471">via GameTrailers.com</a></i>)Roland 'Jim' Loweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01798414712731436844noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678596971079093894.post-20804129586996586362010-06-17T15:41:00.002-05:002010-06-17T20:39:40.580-05:00Fun: Three Princesses, No WaitingNothing says "old school gaming" like the princesses from the <i>Super Mario</i> franchise, right? Peach and Daisy have been around for, like, ever, and though I wasn't exactly fond of Rosalina at first since she's relatively new and I am both afraid of new things and angry that new things even exist, I have to admit that she's grown on me. And by that, I mean that I am willing to overlook her horning in on the other princesses' action because she is quite attractive for a video game character.<br />
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Anyway, the point of me babbling on about P, D, and R is to point y'all's attention to some quality entertainment starring these three fine ladies!<br />
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<div align="center"><object width="450" height="580"><param name="movie" value="http://backend.deviantart.com/embed/view.swf" /><param name="flashvars" value="id=104340953&width=1337" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /><embed src="http://backend.deviantart.com/embed/view.swf" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="450" flashvars="id=104340953&width=1337" height="580" allowscriptaccess="always"></embed></object></div><br />
<b><a href="http://thebourgyman.deviantart.com/gallery/#The-3-little-Princesses">The Three Little Princesses</a></b> by <a href="http://thebourgyman.deviantart.com/">Yves "The Bourgyman" Bourgelas</a> is a fun little romp revolving around Rosalina's attempts to survive the insane attentions of Peach and Daisy, who have basically kidnapped her so they can have a sleepover. It's filled with slapstick, situational comedy, and hilarious cartoony visuals that are fun for the whole family! And it's all finished up, so you can read it from beginning to end right away, which I hear is pretty nice. If you like your humor light, frothy, and filled with people being comicly oblivious to the feelings of others, then T3LP is the comic for you!<br />
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<div align="center"><object width="450" height="620"><param name="movie" value="http://backend.deviantart.com/embed/view.swf" /><param name="flashvars" value="id=164519942&width=1337" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /><embed src="http://backend.deviantart.com/embed/view.swf" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="450" flashvars="id=164519942&width=1337" height="620" allowscriptaccess="always"></embed></object></div><br />
<b><a href="http://theartrix.deviantart.com/gallery/#The-3-not-so-princesses">The Three Not-So-Princesses</a></b> by <a href="http://theartrix.deviantart.com/">The Artrix</a> (who's real name escapes me at the moment and I'm too lazy to bother looking it up) was inspired by T3LP, but Artrix is taking his offering in a far more depressing and disturbing yet no less entertaining direction. No longer princesses, Peach, Daisy, and Rosalina now share a flat in the dystopian city of Rothingham, working for their livings and generally having a rotten, miserable time of it. Other characters from the games - such as Wario, as seen in the page above - have popped up in this alternate universe, and there have been hints of more to come as the comic goes along. If you like your humor dark, sarcastic, and guaranteed to crush the souls of everyone involved, then T3NSP is the comic for you!<br />
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Me? I like 'em both. That probably says something about me.<br />
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Something like, "That Jim guy sure has good taste in comics".Roland 'Jim' Loweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01798414712731436844noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678596971079093894.post-68715473312102940212010-06-17T14:31:00.004-05:002010-06-17T14:41:17.078-05:00News: Nintendo Becomes Remake King<div align="center"><a href='http://ds.ign.com/dor/objects/43460/lufia-curse-of-the-sinistrals/images/estpolis-screens-20100224021727792.html'><img src='http://dsmedia.ign.com/ds/image/article/107/1071919/estpolis-screens-20100224021727792.jpg' alt='Lufia: Curse of the Sinistrals Various'></a></div><br />
I bet you were hoping for a screenshot from the <i>Goldeneye</i> remake, weren't you? <i>Weren't you?!</i> Well, since that's what everyone's buzzing about and because I'm an ornery old cuss that happens to like the <i>Lufia</i> series better than <i>Goldeneye</i> (that's right!), you get a picture of a whiny elf girl talking in Japanese instead. Or one of them there foreign languages, anyway.<br />
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I tend to automatically tune out all the E3 shenanigans that come my way, mostly because it's pretty depressing hearing everyone salivate over all the new, shiny toys that I won't get to play with until several years after they get released. I just can't get excited about stuff that's so far out of my reach that it takes the light emanating from that stuff at least a thousand years to reach my position in the video gaming universe.<br />
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But <a href="http://www.ign.com/">IGN</a> and Nintendo are starting to school me rather harshly that if there was any year an old school gamer like me should be paying attention to that big old expo, it's most definitely <i>this</i> year. The <i>Starfox 64</i> remake that I talked about yesterday really should have tipped me off on what was happening, but I'm kind of slow on the uptake. Along with developing all new installments in several of their oldest and most vaunted series, Nintendo is also working on a nice little stable of remakes, updates, and ports of old games as well.<br />
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Besides the aforementioned Starfox, there's the aforementioned <i>Goldeneye</i> do over for the Wii that's on everyone's minds right now since it sold roughly 10 billion copies and everyone on Earth and every other inhabited planet in the entire universe would gladly bend themselves over and allow the N64 James Bond classic to lavish their orifices with whatever it has that passes for an enormous penis. For those of you who couldn't penetrate that horrifically tortured metaphor, it means that people really really liked the original game and are apparently very excited about its upcoming remake.<br />
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And why shouldn't they be? Even though I wasn't as completely wowed by it as everyone else, even I could see that it was a pretty well constructed and definitely fun and entertaining game. Further, they're replacing ol' Pierce Brosnan with newest and coolest Bond actor Daniel Craig, updating all the graphics to insanely gorgeous levels, and adding new gameplay mechanics that will, amongst other things, emphasize stealth even more than the original did. There doesn't seem to be much reason <i>not</i> to be excited. I mean, look at this:<br />
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<div align="center"><a href='http://wii.ign.com/dor/objects/867280/goldeneye-007/images/goldeneye-007-20100615013437788.html'><img src='http://wiimedia.ign.com/wii/image/article/109/1098130/goldeneye-007-20100615013437788.jpg' width=400 alt='GoldenEye 007 Screenshot'></a></div><br />
Seriously. That's just pretty. (<i><a href="http://wii.ign.com/articles/109/1099498p1.html">via IGN</a></i>)<br />
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But now that I've pandered to the masses, I'd like to get all of my fellow old school RPG players to please turn their attention to the front of the class, because Nintendo is working on a remake of <i>Lufia II: Rise of the Sinistrals</i> to be called <i>Lufia: Curse of the Sinistrals</i> and to be released on the DS. Now, there are going to be changes, of course, as there are with virtually every remake ever remade (the battle system, for example, is going to be action RPG rather than turn-based RPG style), but apparently the characters, storyline, and the like are going to be kept intact. Which is cool, because the <i>Lufia</i> series has always run some pretty good storylines with pretty good writing and characterization.<br />
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And I gotta say, it sure looks like they aren't going to be skimming on the graphics for this one.<br />
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<div align="center"><a href='http://ds.ign.com/dor/objects/43460/lufia-curse-of-the-sinistrals/images/lufia-curse-of-the-sinistrals-20100615074722193.html'><img src='http://dsmedia.ign.com/ds/image/article/109/1098589/lufia-curse-of-the-sinistrals-20100615074722193.jpg' alt='Lufia: Curse of the Sinistrals Screenshot'></a></div><br />
Hopefully this is just the start of a revitalization of the entire series, which I figure is most likely the case since they're starting with the first game chronologically instead of just doing <i>Lufia & the Fortress of Doom</i> right off the bat. While <i>Lufia</i> may not hold quite the same obsessive shrine-like spot in my shriveled black heart that <i>Final Fantasy</i> occupies, I still hold it in very high regard and wouldn't mind seeing more extra pretty versions of it gracing the television and/or DS screens of the world. (<i><a href="http://ds.ign.com/articles/109/1099779p1.html">via IGN</a></i>)<br />
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Man, I'm starting this whole "hard-hitting old school gaming reporter" bit off right on IGN's teat, aren't I? I might need to think about looking into some other gaming news sites unless I start getting some of those sweet IGN bucks coming my way.Roland 'Jim' Loweryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01798414712731436844noreply@blogger.com0